My Name is Taylor

Hello, Taylor

2009-09-13T23:39:00.002-04:00

So...have you checked out my new blog yet?

(just wondering...)

http://hellotaylor.wordpress.com

xoxo!

I'VE MOVED TO WORDPRESS

2009-09-01T14:22:00.002-04:00

Hi guys!

I'm here to remind everybody that I'm no longer blogging here. I'm over at ...

http://hellotaylor.wordpress.com

Seriously. Check that shit out.

It's badass.

MOVING TO WORDPRESS

2009-08-29T04:04:00.006-04:00

This is a very important post if you're a reader of My Name is Taylor. Why, you ask?

Because...

I will no longer be blogging at this address.

You can visit me at ...

http://hellotaylor.wordpress.com/

Do it.

(pwease?)

Summer Goals, Revisited

2009-08-28T09:54:00.004-04:00

Remember once upon a time when I decided to make summer goals for myself? Yeah... Let's revisit those goals and see how I've done. After all, I go back to the university in 2 days. Summer's just about over for me. *sigh*

1) Stop obsessing over have-beens (CN)
-Success! Not only did I stop obsessing over CN, but we reconnected and finally talked about our past. I've even stopped stalking him! Kinda. Old habits die hard, you know?

2) Bike the entire bike trail (48 miles)
-Fail. DB and I biked half and then turned around. 24 miles is better than nothing, right? I still want to complete this goal.

3) Reconnect with some old friends
-Success! Two words. The Cheffess. We're closer than we ever were in the past. I've had the greatest and craziest summer of my life and I completely owe it to her. We're two of a kind and I absolutely LOVE HER!

4) Go on a photo-taking excursion
-Fail. Does the UP trip count? I don't think so.

5) Play the guitar and piano more often
-Fail. The biggest fail, actually. I haven't played the guitar in a month and my keyboard is collecting dust in the corner of my room. This makes me so sad, music used to be my life. I'm a musician at heart and need to reconnect with the greatest love of my life.

6) Develop a regular exercise schedule
-Fail. Good one, Taylor. I haven't exercised since February. You think I'm joking.

7) Have sex in the woods
-Fail. Trust me, we tried. Here and here. And then we tried again (but I didn't blog about it). It's hard to find a comfortable spot in the forest to fuck. Mosquitoes? Hikers? Yeah.

8) Go skinny-dipping
-Fail. I completely forgot about this

9) Have a picnic on the beach
-Fail. And there's a sad story behind this one. In July, The Dealer invited me to a party. DB and I had plans but I ditched him to go drink/smoke the night away. I found out a week later that DB had planned a picnic-on-the-beach-while-watching-the-sunset for me. He had the food and blankets and everything in the trunk of his car already. Plus? He was bringing his acoustic guitar so he could play a song he had written for me. And I fucking ditched on him. I hate myself. I cried in a public restaurant when I found out.

So there you have it. I should never make summer goals again.

Thanks to everybody that commented yesterday, it meant so much to me. Your advice helped more than you could imagine and I'll be sure to keep you updated. I love you guys!!

Sometimes I Truly Hate Myself

2009-08-27T00:05:00.004-04:00

I'm pretty sure DB and I are breaking up.

I don't know how I feel about it.

I'm heartbroken. But I'm unhappy here with him.

He's perfect. But he's too goddamn perfect for me.

I keep having to ask myself whether or not I love him.

If I truly loved him, that wouldn't happen ... right?

I want to be his best friend.

But not his girlfriend?

I'm too stressed and scared and shaking to write a real post.

I'm sorry.

Wordless Wednesday: Dollar Bird Edition

2009-08-26T02:04:00.001-04:00

(click that button to see more WW posts over at 5 Minutes for Mom)

Somebody tipped me a dollar-bird at Job #1. Fucking fantastic.

I'll Always Love Him

2009-08-25T01:57:00.003-04:00

After I posted yesterday, CN and I texted for 5 and a half hours. And the time flew by. It felt like we were talking for maybe an hour. We never ran out of things to say.

This was the first real conversation I've had with him in years. Words can't even describe how thankful I am that we finally reconnected.

He broke up with his girlfriend recently. We talked about that. I've been having doubts about DB. We talked about that. We compared relationships. We realized how alike we are. We also discussed our differences. He lectured me about my bad habits (drinking... smoking...). We talked about work. We talked about love. We talked about jealousy. We talked about the past. We talked about us.

We finally, finally, finally talked about us.

He asked me whether or not I liked him back then; back when he used to come over everyday. I answered truthfully, yes. He confessed that he had loved me too, but was too nervous and self-conscious to ask me out.

Tay: You should have. I really liked you.
CN: It's weird how the more you like someone the harder it is to just make a move. The same thing happened to me in middle school.

So I asked him about middle school.

Tay: I have another question for you. Remember how we dated in middle school? Did you even like me back then? Because I never thought you did.
CN: That's funny because I felt like you were my one and only true love and that's probably why you thought that. Because I was so incredibly nervous around you.
CN: I almost asked you about middle school earlier but I didn't because I thought you'd think I was weird.
Tay: I almost didn't ask you because I wasn't sure if you'd remember that we dated.
CN: Lol. You were my biggest crush in middle school.

I can't believe it. After all these years of wondering. After all these years of loving him.

He's always felt exactly the same about me.

I'll always love him. As a friend. Maybe someday we can be more, but not today. Maybe someday when I've stopped drinking every night, when I've gotten tired of being high, when I've finally found God, then we can be together. But until then...

I am content. Finally.

CN: We'll probably run into each other in 10 years and get married like some lame romantic movie or a country song.

Tay: Haha. We'll have to wait and see.

The Most Awesome Weekend in the History of Weekends. Seriously.

2009-08-24T00:12:00.010-04:00

I've had the most fantastic weekend!! Seriously.

Friday?

I got together with MY GIRL The Cheffess to smoke. Lipring, Redhead, The Drunk, and another nameless character were there. I found out that Lipring cheated on his super-nice girlfriend. I don't like him nearly as much as I did...

But the night was fantastic to say the least.

Saturday?

Was even more fucking fantastic! The Cheffess and I went to a party. Highlights?

Aaron telling me to call him anytime I'm single
Aaron (drunk) announcing to everybody that I'm "absolutely gorgeous and SO cute"
The Dealer's girlfriend inviting me to smoke alone with her and the Dealer. Seriously, what a fucking sweetheart!
Even though the Cheffess left at midnight, I stayed out 'til 3.
Guitarguy playing a song for me
Guitarguy teaching me a song on the guitar
Hugs goodbye from Aaron and Guitarguy
Guitarguy in general
Seriously. Guitar-fucking-guy
Beer pong with Aaron (yeah... we lost)
Smoking with my sister's preppy ex-boyfriend and then telling her about it

Sunday?

CN texted me. He broke up with his girlfriend and wanted to know if I was single. No, I'm not, but we still texted all day. I still waited anxiously for every reply. I still opted out of going out with DB to stay at home and text him. I still confessed my unhappiness with my current relationship. And then he visited me at work...

I still believe I may or may not love him.

Song of the Day: The Flood by Escape The Fate
What did you do this weekend?

Why Yes, I am a Scaredy Cat!

2009-08-21T00:53:00.003-04:00

Lately? I've realized that I'm scared of... pretty much everything.

Some examples? I'm afraid of being mauled by a bear. Not only when I'm hiking through the wilderness of the UP, but when I'm walking down my street.

That's some scary shit.

I'm afraid of being blown off bridges when it's windy. Especially when I'm driving and my car gets all swerve-y because the wind is blowing THAT hard. And there's no way in hell I walk across bridges when it's windy. Duh.

I'm afraid of hitting a deer when I'm driving. I clench the wheel and frantically try to look FUCKING EVERYWHERE for deer whenever I pass a forest or a field or a farm or... you know... anywhere.

I'm afraid of DB's 14-year-old dog. I avoided his house for so long, his parents really thought I hated them. When I finally started visiting again, I only entered/exited through the basement, where his killer attack dog never ventures.

I'm extremely afraid of knives. Even butter knives and plastic knives. Point anything resembling a knife at me and I'll RUN to the other side of the room. Literally. DB thinks it's hilarious and loves to tease me with butter knives.

See? There's a fucking butter knife in his head.

I'm afraid of BIG ants. Not the little guys or the medium-sized buggers, but the huge fuckers with the fat bodies. They give me the heebie-jeebies almost as much as centipedes do.

Enough explanations. I'm afraid of bad weather. I'm afraid of driving in the snow. I'm afraid of losing my hearing. I'm afraid of birds pecking my eyes out. I'm afraid of being attacked by killer machines from outer space. I'm afraid of being stalked. I'm afraid of getting cancer from the microwave. I'm afraid of ferrets. I'm afraid of being home alone. I'm afraid of death. I'm afraid of getting cancer from my cell phone. I'm afraid of aliens. I'm afraid of public speaking. I'm afraid of rejection. I'm afraid of killer diseases. Oh, and I'm TERRIFIED of brittle stars.

OH GOD!!!! EW!!!!

*Ahem* In other news...

Song of the Day: Carry You Home by James Blunt
What are you afraid of???

p.s. Have a beautiful weekend!

TMI Thursday: I'm Still A Lady

2009-08-20T00:17:00.005-04:00

It's TMI Thursday, bitches!! Hosted by the lovely LiLu, as always.

As many of you know, DB and I have been dating for quite a while. I'm extremely comfortable around him and he's just as relaxed around me. However, there is one thing I refuse to do in front of him.

Fart.

I don't fart in front of anybody, not even my family. Especially not in front of DB. I think it's disgusting. Which is actually quite annoying, because I'm a gassy person. Nice, huh? DB calls me out on it all the time.

Tay: My tummy hurts.

DB: Do you have to fart?

Tay: What? No! I'm a lady and ladies don't fart.

DB: Bullshit.

So. Now that you know that particularly interesting tidbit about me...

A few weeks ago DB and I were lying in bed, snuggling, after eating a big meal. Everything was perfect and snuggly until my stomach started acting up. I could feel the fart forming in the pit of my abdomen and panicked. I clenched my butt cheeks as hard as I possibly could! There was no way in HELL I was farting on DB while we were spooning.

It took a lot of fucking effort to keep that fart in, and apparently it began to show.

DB: Woah, baby, your pulse is getting faster.

Tay: Oh *clenching with enormous force* Haha

DB didn't know what was going on and assumed my heartbeat was faster because I wanted to get sexy with him. And so he began touching and kissing and... well, you know.

I freaked the fuck out. There was no way I was having SEX while holding in an enormous FART!

But I did. It wasn't enjoyable, but I got through it. And I held it in, somehow. I politely excused myself after we were finished and let it out loudly in the bathroom. Win!!

I'm still a lady.

Wordless Wednesday: Double D Edition

2009-08-19T00:09:00.002-04:00

(click that button to see more WW posts over at 5 Minutes for Mom)

Dontcha just want to snuggle with them?

Everything is Beautiful

2009-08-18T00:24:00.005-04:00

Today I mourn for the loss of a friend.

He quit his job. The job we shared. The only time we got to see each other. And how did I find this out? Fucking facebook.

What the hell, Daniel?

Heartbreak hurts.

I remember when I first met my dear friend Daniel. He stood, looking professional in his silly work uniform, near the front of the store. I glanced at him with shy admiration and said nothing. Daniel looked at me and immediately introduced himself. Asked how I liked my job. Simply talked with me. I don't remember much of him from this time; he was just another employee in my eyes.

This sure wasn't the case, and I learned quickly. I remember the day I first felt like we bonded. We were cleaning together in the main room, sweeping and scrubbing. We talked. Daniel confessed to me that he had a crush on a fellow employee - a loud, silly, immature-but-totally-sexy girl I admired. I gave Daniel advice (ask her to a movie!), he squirted me with sanitizer.

On one particularly busy day, Daniel was overwhelmed by the customers. He looked at me with frantic eyes, surrounded by impatient assholes, and mouthed "HELP!" In a jiffy I was at his side, ready to help, and telling him, "I'm here, Daniel dear." He stopped what he was doing and looked at me. "I love you" he said.

After that, I talked to Daniel as much as possible. I told him I had a boyfriend (DB). He told me he was going to kill him (because he loved me). If I hadn't been completely in love with DB at the time, I probably would've fallen for Daniel.

Daniel began greeting me by saying "hello beautiful" or "hey gorgeous". I tried calling him beautiful once. He called me a liar. I'm guessing he still doesn't believe me today.

One day, to my pleasure, I got Daniel to admit that he finds me "absolutely beautiful" (yes, we both use the word beautiful a lot). I loved him for that. I waltzed out of the store on clouds, belting out beautiful symphonies and nearly flying. Or not. But I was glowing.

He's so alive. He's so honest. He loves people and isn't afraid to tell them. He appreciates life more than anybody else I've ever met. And he's living it to the fullest, that's for sure. Wherever Daniel goes, the party follows. My quality of life sky-rockets just being around his energy.

I remember the last time I had a real conversation with Daniel. I stayed after work for a while to talk with him. He laughed at me for having a childish watch. I admired him for traveling to Europe to study literature. He admitted that he hates himself sometimes. Then he admitted that he actually really loves me. Then (on a high from being complimented by him)...I left.

I wish I had known he was leaving. I wish I had known that it was the last time I'd get the chance to talk with him. I would've hugged him. I would've given him a big kiss on the cheek. I would've told him how much he means to me. I would've told him I admire him, love him... so much.

He inspires me to live crazier, be happier, just let it be. He reminds me that it's okay to love unconditionally - to love fucking everything and everyone because, hell, life is beautiful and if you can't appreciate it you might as well lie down and die.

Daniel? I wish you hadn't left.
Daniel? You're beautiful.
Daniel? I love you.

And, Daniel? God, I miss you.

Song of the Day: Inside Out by Eve 6

Have you ever lost a best friend? Suddenly?

Dear Sharks...

2009-08-17T08:15:00.008-04:00

Dear sharks,

Let me begin by saying I'm sorry the entire blogosphere spent last week bashing you. It's not your fault Discovery gave you your own week! Actually, the attention doesn't help you at all; you're portrayed as vicious man-eating creatures. Not the case.

I'm here to let you know that not every blogger hates you. In fact, some of us (me) really like you! I even have shark shoes.

I've always been a shark fan and I always will be. Someday I'd like to swim with you guys, particularly the giant and beautiful whale shark.

Breathtaking.

I do my best to let people know about the problems facing you guys: shark finning, bycatch, global warming and more. I'm an environmentalist, an animal-lover, and a wannabe marine biologist. I promise to keep fighting for you.

Some people find it weird that I think you guys are cute, especially the Basking Shark. Look at his adorable wide open mouth! I even have lots of cuddly sharks at home:

Aww.

I could go on and on about how un-scary you are in real life, how important you are to ocean ecosystems, and how few shark attacks there have been. But I believe I've already made my point.

I love sharks more than I love tigers.

I guess that's the end of my letter, sharks. You now know that you have a friend in this bloggy world and she thinks you're awesome.

Love,
Taylor

A Goodbye

2009-08-14T00:47:00.004-04:00

We've been together since high school. I loved you more than I thought possible and never imagined that the love would grow throughout the years.

We've gone everywhere together. You accompanied me when I traveled to Vancouver with my family. Now that I actually think about it, we met and bonded in Vancouver. We hiked through the dense forests, we explored hidden streams, you even went whale-watching with me.

You and I were inseparable for years. You watched me drink and then vomit, you stared while I smoked too much, you saw me lie to my parents and then cry about it. Sometimes you and I would drive to the bookstore after fighting with mom, just to get out of the house.

You're my travel-buddy. I can't think of a single time I went road-tripping without you. We've explored Chicago, Vancouver, Toronto, Florida, Michigan, Ohio, and many more I'm sure. I'm beginning to forget all the times we've shared.

You were with me when I first met DB. You were there when he asked me to be his girlfriend, when we broke up, and when we got back together. We talk about you a lot; we agree that you're unique, silly, and absolutely perfect for me. We also agree that the years we've spent together are beginning to show.

You look tired and beaten, you look old and worn-out. Honestly, you look like you should've retired years ago. And yet I can't give you up. It's like you were made for me, you know me so well, we work perfectly together. However, I know in my heart that I have to say goodbye; you're nearly dead.

And so farewell. I will treasure you forever, shark shoes.

TMI Thursday: Look Before You Pee

2009-08-13T00:23:00.006-04:00

It's TMI Thursday, bitches!! Hosted by the lovely LiLu, as always.

While in the UP, DB and I did quite a bit of shopping. One store we stopped into was called Enchanted Knights. It was SO over-the-top. To say the least. Knights and swords and fairies everywhere. Magic wands? Man-skirts? A life-sized knight? They had it all. All the cashiers were dressed in Renaissance clothing (which was also for sale). They even talked in fake accents. Hilarious.

DB *cough. nerd. cough* loved it.

I thought it was ridiculous and vowed to share it with you bloggy people. I grabbed a business card so I'd remember the name. Except I then proceeded to lose it.

Would you like to know how?

The first thing I did after the looooooooong car ride was run inside the house to use the bathroom. Down came the pants, I did my business, and turned around to flush. Guess what was floating in the potty? Amidst the pee and poop?

Yep. The business card. Which had been in my back pocket only seconds ago! I had pissed on it. And then shit on it.

The worst part? I had to fish it out. Couldn't let the toilet get clogged!

Wordless Wednesday: UP Edition

2009-08-12T01:50:00.003-04:00

(click that button to see more WW posts over at 5 Minutes for Mom)

It Was Mostly Good!

2009-08-11T00:23:00.006-04:00

So, the UP was fun. I had a great time and I want to say THANKYOU to everybody that wished me a good time. Love you guys!

Also, I know I promised you something awesome today, but I'm super duper tired from the trip and so all you're getting is some Monday-on-Tuesday-ramblin'. As always, right?

Good news. I didn't get eaten by a bear. I know you were worried. I was. Seriously.

Bad news. I didn't see a moose. Fuck.

(I wish I saw that sign)

Good news. DB and I have an insane amount of luck. It rained everyday but never while we were out and about. It rained while we were driving, it rained while we were sleeping, it rained while we were in the hotel. Then we stepped outside to see some awesome geography (god, I'm a nerd). And it stopped. Good karma, bitches. Just sayin'

Bad news. We bought umbrellas just in case and didn't get to use them.

Good news. I discovered my love for the game Hearts. I highly recommend you learn to play it. I was bored during the car ride, decided to try it out, and discovered a whole carddeckful of fun!

More good news. I also discovered my love for Goatse's. *drooool*

In other news, I'm exhausted. I'm off to sleep now. Also? I think I'm funny but I'm really not. Ask DB. Or you could just read my blog. If you're interested in the actual sites/activities we took part in while vacationing you can email me at mynameisxtaylor@gmail.com. Do it.

Zzzzzzz...

The Invitation

2009-08-07T00:18:00.000-04:00

Hey lovers. By the time you read this, I'll be road-trippin' with DB to Michigan's upper peninsula! Exciting, yes? I'll be back late Monday, so don't expect a Monday post - I'm sorry! I promise something awesome (maybe) on Tuesday.

Anyways.

I wanted to leave something special for you guys while I was gone. I wanted to write something meaningful, something touching, something that would inspire you.

Haha, fat chance. Guys? I suck at writing unless I spend some real quality time on it. And I've been busy.

So, instead, enjoy this poem. My step dad shared it with me one night and I've never forgotten it. It reminds me that life itself and everything in it is a miracle. It inspires me to live better and love more. It reminds me to stay true to what I believe is right, no matter who disagrees. It's one of my favorite pieces of writing, and I really hope it speaks to you like it did to me.

***

The Invitation

by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream

of meeting your hearts longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know

if you will risk looking like a fool for love,

for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.

I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow,

if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become

shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with the pain, mine or your own,

without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with your joy, mine or your own,

if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you

to the tip of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful,

to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling is true.

I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself;

if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul

if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it's not pretty,

everyday, and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours or mine, and still stand

on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"

It doesn't interest me where you live or how much money you have

I want to know if you can get up, after a night of grief and despair,

weary and bruised to the bone,

and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me

and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.

I want to know what sustains you, from the inside,

when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself.

and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

***

I hope your weekend is beautiful.

TMI Thursday: Sex Dreams

2009-08-06T01:08:00.000-04:00

It's TMI Thursday, bitches!! Hosted by the lovely LiLu, as always.

DB and I were talking about sex dreams yesterday. He has them a lot apparently and I have them occasionally. We discussed who we dream about, how often, and whether or not this reflects a true desire for the dreamt person. What do you think, by the way? I'm curious.

Anyways. Here's a peek into our convo:

DB: I don't think the dreams mean anything at all. I mean, I do some pretty fucked-up things when I'm dreaming.

Tay: Ooh, like what?

DB: What? I'm not gonna tell you. It's horrible.

Tay: Now you've got me interested! You have to tell me.

DB: Nope. Too disgusting for the girlfriend's ears.

Tay: Puh-puh... pweeease *insert Taylor's adorable pleading face here*

DB: I've fucked my mom.

Tay: *pause* Ahahahahahaha!!!

DB: Multiple times.

Tay: Ahahahahahahaha!!

(this goes on for about a minute)

DB: I've fucked my dad.

Tay: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

(this goes on for the rest of the car ride)

So. Should I be worried?

Wordless Wednesday: Explorin'

2009-08-05T00:40:00.000-04:00

(click that button to see more WW posts over at 5 Minutes for Mom)

This is my darling DB. He's exploring his forest with me.
(I rhyme..)

I Ramble on Mondays 3 (on Tuesday!)

2009-08-04T01:12:00.009-04:00

Hey lovers! I'm sure you're wondering where your favorite Taylor has been. Or not. I spent Sunday night and most of Monday at DB's cabin. I had a great time, it was really relaxing, his family owns a ton o' land in the middle of the wilderness; we wandered around for hours without seeing anybody.

We could have (but didn't...or did we?) lived as nudists and nobody would've known.

We also could have had sex in the woods. Unfortunately, I got sick. Damn you, sensitive stomach!!

Highlights of the trip?

Seeing a lone turkey and three deer in DB's front yard

The fireplace-y, cabin-y sex

Exploring the forest until we thought we were lost (we weren't, sillies)

The midnight thunderstorm

This week may be full of shitty blog posts, by the way. Just to warn you. I'm working extra hours at Job #1 and then leaving for Michigan's upper peninsula Friday morning. Can't wait!!

Also, I didn't take these pictures.

Where are you guys traveling this summer?

Relax & Take it Easy...It's Friday!

2009-07-31T00:19:00.015-04:00

Let me apologize for disappearing on you guys. I forgot to mention that I was heading up north for a few days. Sans Internet.

I cross-my-heart-hope-to-die-stick-a-needle-in-my-eye-(ew) that it will never happen again. Maybe.

But, hey, guess what? I had an amazing time up north. For the first time in a long time, I surrounded myself with family and nature; two things I now realize I don't spend enough time around.

(my bloggy feet relaxing by the lake)
We played cards every night. I won every time. We went for walks and kayak rides and sat around the campfire at night. We made a mess out of ourselves while attempting to make smores.

(my bloggy feet on a dock)

We spent too much time together. We got sun burnt. We weren't used to being together and got annoyed easily. We got mosquito bites. We fought over trivial things. We got stung by bees. We wandered through the woods alone when we needed to.

(My bloggy thumb says 'thumbs up!')

At three in the morning I sat by the lake and watched the stars. I didn't find any constellations. I saw a firefly get caught in the reeds and light up our beach. I smoked and drank and laughed. I kayaked slowly around the lake, watching every creature that caught my eye. Dragonflies followed me. I became entranced by three giant turtles and a family of swans.

(My bloggy legs enjoy kayaking)

The verdict? I had a wonderful week. I'm sad that it's over. I can't wait to go up north again. What about you? What've you been up to while I was away? I'd love to listen...

p.s. HAPPY FRIDAY, BITCHES!!!

Meet the Double Ds

2009-07-27T11:02:00.009-04:00

I have two new roomates. Observe:
Guinea pigs!! The black/brown one is names Daffy and the mostly-white one is named Daisy. Hence 'The Double Ds'. Clever, I know.

Tell me what you think about them. DB thought they were creepy when he first met the lil guys. Maybe you have to be a rodent person? You tell me.

Instead of Going to Work...

2009-07-24T09:26:00.011-04:00

Job #2 has never been very good to me.

I've worked there longer than almost-everybody and I'm still getting less pay and less hours than other employees. A girl that's worked there half the time I have just got a big promotion. Even after I told my hot manager that I was planning on staying throughout the fall. I've always dealt with this and let the managers walk all over me. Until yesterday.

I was on call for 4 pm. Basically this means that I have to keep an open schedule until 2 pm, at which point I call in and find out whether or not they want me to work. Yesterday I had accidentally gotten myself scheduled to work at Job #1 as well, so I was hoping I didn't have to go in.

At 9fucking30 in the morning (read: very early for me), Job #2 calls. Wondering if I can come in immediately. My manager: "You may or may not work until 4. We can't make any guarantees." Translated: "Somebody else didn't show up so we're going to trick you into working your shift and theirs".

I lazed about in bed wondering whether or not to call them back. I already had plans with DB for the morning. And plans at night if you call working another job a 'plan'. I was pretty tired. Literally sleepy and tired of being treated like shit.

Can you guess what I did?

I turned off my phone, rolled over and went back to sleep. I woke up at noon and spent an hour reading TMI Thursday posts. I compulsively bought iTunes songs. I went out to eat with DB and then went to the pet store. I had a blast working with my sister. I smoked. I laughed until my stomach hurt. I went out to eat again. I made the most out of a perfect day.

Fuck you, Job #2.

TMI Thursday: What Have I Done?!?

2009-07-23T00:44:00.001-04:00

It's TMI Thursday, bitches!! Hosted by the lovely LiLu, as always. Enjoy...

So. DB and I were texting yesterday. We were discussing our relationship problems. Meh.

DB: It's not fair that you get to do what you want [drugs] and I don't get to do what I want [buttsex]!

Tay: Lol. Fine. But only if you smoke with me.

Tay: (haha)

DB: Ooh, she drives a hard bargain. I guess I have no choice but to agree!

DB: (haha)

Tay: What, really? I'm so excited!

DB: What? Yesterday you told me you'd rather eat a live mouse than have buttsex.

Tay: ...

(it's true)

Wordless Wednesday: DB edition

2009-07-22T10:45:00.000-04:00

(click button above to see more WW posts over at 5 Minutes for Mom)

p.s. - My heart hurts because I didn't get many comments yesterday. I still need advice so if you'd like to visit yesterday's post... click here!

Love Stinks

2009-07-21T00:11:00.000-04:00

My relationship with DB is deteriorating.

He doesn't approve of my recent activities (read: smoking) and he hates my friends. Seriously. He told me so.

I hate this. I want him to smoke with me. I want him to like my friends. I don't want to be forced to split up my time to accommodate everybody. I'm always letting somebody down. If he didn't hate them we could ALL hang out allthefuckingtime.

They all love him, by the way.

I don't know what to do. The situation is seriously starting to wear on us and it's time to stop ignoring the problem. Is it finally time for DB and I to take a break from the relationship? You guys know I've been thinking about taking a break for a while (CN anybody??). The difference between then and now? I actually have a real problem on my hands now.

Nothing too serious of course. And DB is more than happy to sacrifice his happiness to stay with me.

But what I'm doing makes him miserable. He hates it. It makes him sick. Why does he still want to be with me? I don't understand.

Love.

I really don't want to quit smoking. For once in my life I've found friends that I really enjoy spending time with. And a lot of our time spent together is spent smoking. Go ahead and judge, haters. We're getting so close and it means a lot to me, especially after Marinegirl left.

So what do I do?

Things to consider:
1) He would consider this "breaking up"
2) "breaking up" would probably break his heart
3) No more UP trip

Anybody have advice for this troubled chica? Pweease? I need help.

I Ramble on Mondays (2)

2009-07-20T10:50:00.001-04:00

It's kind of like Friday Fragments, except I'm just ramblin' on and on about my weekend. After all, did you really expect a REAL post on a Monday?!? Really.

The Dealer threw a fantastic party at his place last night. I finally got to meet his potential girlfriend, there were so many people there that I haven't talked to in a while, everybody was happy and chill and...I don't know. It was just real fun.

I met a guy there last night, we'll name him The Drunk, who was pretty fun to talk to. Later that night I found out that he tried to drive home from the party, hit a trash can, got pulled over, and went to jail. Holy shit.

I gave Guitarguy a hug for the first time last night. I'm one of those weird girls that loves-loves hugs.

DB wants to talk. Dun dun dunnn. I don't know about what and I was pretty drunk when he was trying to explain over texting:

Tay: I love u.

DB: I really want 2 talk. Love u 2

Tay: Damn nothing wrong right? Im sry about earlier :/ *referring to a minor fight*

DB: Theres some issues...I accept ur apology :* im sry too

Tay: Phlease dont be mad.

DB: Im not mad. I dont get mad remember? Just sad. Very very sad.

Tay: Theres nothing wrong with this :( ur making me nervous about talking

DB: There's nothing wrong with what? And dont b nervous i just have a buildup of things i need 2 let out

Tay: K but if u blow up about this imma be upset.

DB: Not 2 b rude but u cant tell what i cant do. And if theres gonna b any blow up itll b water not fire. But i wont :] i love u so goddamn much taylor

Tay: i love u so goddamn much too :) thats why im worried about this

DB: Why r u worried? I just really need 2 say some things that have been inside me. Its like trying 2 hold on 2 a ball of needles. Dont worry therell b no br8kup

Tay: ok good. Imma go now tho. Love uuu.

DB: I loooooooooovvee uuu 2 sweetie. Text me when u get the chance

Did I tell you that LipRing has a girlfriend? Well, he does. I'm not even that upset either. It'd be easier to hate her if 1) she wasn't awesome 2) I didn't have a boyfriend and 3) if LipRing knew I like him. I'm supposed to be getting ready to go have lunch with them (and Redhead and the Cheffess and some other guy) right now.

I'd love to hear about your weekends if you feel like ramblin'.

A Fragment-y Friday

2009-07-17T09:19:00.001-04:00

Guess what, lovers? It's a beautiful Friday! And y'all surely know what that means. It's time for Taylor's version of Friday Fragments, hosted by the lovely Mrs4444 at Half-Past Kissin' Time.

*DB and I almost-almost had sex in the woods yesterday. We were walking all horny-like through the woods when suddenly...

Yep. A hungry swarm of mosquitoes attacked us. So, yeah, no sex in the woods for me. Damn.

*The Cheffess, Redhead, and the Dealer finally got back from camping. I hung out with the three of them last night and, of course, I can't wait to again! I love my friends.

*DB and I are planning a trip to the UP of Michigan that I'm really excited about. I love traveling and nothing sounds more appealing than a long road trip with the one person I truly love. *sigh* I'm so excited!!

--
If you want to be as cool as me, you'll listen to Love Stinks by The J. Geils Band. It's my song of the day!
--

Happy weekend, darlings.

TMI Thursday: This is why I don't give road head

2009-07-16T13:19:00.000-04:00

As LiLu says... ***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!***

This isn't about me.

I remember my first kiss, the first time I got to second base, my first bj, and yes, my first time having sex.

But enough about sex, this post is about blow jobs!

My dear sister's first blow job was awesome. At least it was awesome for me, because I laughed so hard when she told me about it, I almost peed my pants. Ew.

Not so awesome for her.

Sis was sort-of-dating this guy, Filmguy. He liked to film things. Anyways. They were driving around our neighborhood killing time, because there's seriously nothing better to do in this town when you're 16.

Cue the blow job.

Tay: While he was driving? Like road head?
Sis: Not exactly...

Turns out that he parked his car in the middle of the road and let her take over.

Blah, blah, blah, head, head, head.

And somebody knocks on the window.

Filmguy rolls down the window, junk hanging out, Sis in his lap, and asks "what?!?!" As if there was nothing wrong with what they were doing. Some old guy was standing there.

Old guy: I think you two should get going now.

Tay: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh my god, you got caught? Hahahahaha.
Sis: It gets worse.
Tay: Can it possibly?
Sis: We were parked right down the street. Like, right-right down the street. I'm pretty sure that old guy was our neighbor.

And from then on, Sis avoided our neighbor, I cracked up whenever I saw him, and poor Filmguy never got another blow job from her.

Happy TMI Thursday!

Boyfriends

2009-07-14T12:23:00.000-04:00

My first boyfriend's name was Curtis. Real name, by the way. I called myself his girlfriend for four years. Longest relationship I'd had so far. We met when he was five and I was six. The boys in my kindergarten class used to chase me around during recess, threatening to turn me into 'dead meat' if they caught me. Curtis would always save me.

My second boyfriend was CN. We didn't know each other very well when we first met. He was a middle school 'player', with a different girlfriend every week. I still don't know why that appealed to me. I was thirteen and he was twelve when we met. He was immature and liked to swear and talk about sex. I was simply shy. We lasted a short two months.

My third boyfriend was DB. I was attracted to his humorous personality and popularity. Everybody loved DB. He was seventeen and I was sixteen when we met. We discovered how alike we were after we started dating. We shared a love for music, a love for writing, a love for the outdoors, a love for conservation and the environment, a love for each other.

We broke up once, I thought CN was still in love with me again. Turns out he wasn't, or maybe he was, I'll never know. I got back together with DB too fast to find out.

We never fought until I started drinking and smoking with the Cheffess. I'm having so much fun with my new friends and hobbies and he refuses to take part in them with me. Is it wrong of me to want him to? I don't know how much longer we'll last.

Tell me about your boyfriends.

I Ramble on Mondays

2009-07-13T13:21:00.000-04:00

This morning I took the coldest shower of my life. I had the cold water completely shut off and I was still goosebumping.

I didn't have time to shave my legs because I had to get to work. I stayed out too late again last night. 430AM last night, 4 the night before. I've never been more tired in my life.

At 4AM last night (this morning?), I realized this guy was crawling in my bed:

It took me 15 minutes to get him out of my room. I didn't kill him, I couldn't.

The only thing I've eaten today is a bag of Cheetos. It's almost 130PM. I need to eat/drink healthier. I've had a large McDonalds coke everyday for the last week. My teeth are going to fall out.

I haven't smoked since Friday. I want to tonight but I don't think I can/should. I'm working all day and won't be able to eat very much; last time I smoked without eating I almost passed out.

The Cheffess is camping with her new boy toy and the Dealer. I wish I was with them.

My dad keeps coming up in conversation. DB asked whether or not I wonder when he's coming home. I told him I don't think about it. He asked why. I didn't answer. I didn't want to cry in front of him; I don't expect to see dad again.

Last week Aaron and I got drunk together. He told me about his dad's suicide. I told him I don't speak to my father anymore. He shook his head and told me I'm going to regret it when he's gone.

I don't know what I think about that.

I can and I will

2009-07-08T11:58:00.000-04:00

Hello, friends. You should go check out Jenn's blog today, because I stole this meme from her. Kudos and much love, Jenn!

I can't...
-Golf with DB without getting angry
-Tan without burning or freckling
-Do the stanky legg
-French braid

I can...
-Play Crazy Train on the guitar (besides the solo)
-Distinguish between different whale species
-Ride a bike without using the handlebars
-Sing the entire RENT Broadway from memory

I won't...
-Live in this state forever
-Give up on my sister
-Eat anything at McDonalds besides the chicken nuggets
-Lose my ipod again

I will...
-Travel with DB this summer
-Get a tattoo
-Complete my summer to-do list
-Continue blogging

I shouldn't...
-Worry about my future
-Ignore texts from people I don't want to talk to
-Sleep until noon
-Eat cake for breakfast
-Lose track of old friends

I should...
-Be more honest with DB
-Play the piano everyday
-Take better care of my garden
-Visit my grandma more often
-Listen to more classic rock

Apparently ipods and alcohol don't mix well

2009-07-06T13:18:00.000-04:00

Here's what I remember about Friday night:

Fun.

I realized it was missing when I woke up Saturday ~~morning~~ afternoon. My beautiful, brand-spankin-new 16G orange ipod. A very expensive gift from DB.

Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit.

I searched the party hostess' house. FAIL.
I searched my car. FAIL.
I searched her car. FAIL.
I asked everybody who was still there. FAIL.
I even facebooked it:

Taylor has lost her ipod. It's orange. Anybody? FAIL.

I proceeded to freak the fuck out.

Before fireworks on Saturday, I searched my house/room/pants/everywhere.

Yep, you guessed it. FAIL.

On Sunday I went to Best Buy and bought another brand-spankin-new 16G orange ipod. DB thinks I found it.

A $230 gift to myself.

The party was totally worth it though.

I love Fridays too

2009-07-03T13:26:00.000-04:00

I know I complain a lot on this blog, but I'm not really an angry person. I'm incredibly happy with my life. My friends are amazing, I have DB, I'm healthy, I'm loved. Everything always seems to fall into place.

I read an amazing post by Courtney this morning. After reading it, I was feeling quite happy and motivated and full-of-love. I felt like blogging about it. Unfortunately, I don't have a way with words like Courtney. My mind went blank.

Then I read Jenn's post about love. I've decided to copy her idea (and give her credit for it - see link above - you should go read her list and then follow her blog - it's fantastic) and write out my very own love list.

Here goes.

Walking through the woods after its rained. Spending all morning in bed on the computer. Making people laugh when I don't mean to. Inspirational music. Making people laugh when I mean to. Receiving a phone call. Listening to music until I fall asleep. Learning a new song on the guitar. Coke. Victoria's Secret.

Breezy mornings. Finding crabs on the beach. Watching fireflies. New friends. People who have strong opinions. Participating in debates. Crushes. Singing in the car. The feeling I get after I exercise. Random compliments. When people remember the conversations they've had with me. Lazy Sundays. Going out on Saturdays.

Having a clean room. Burning incense. Brushing my teeth. Reading blogs. Dreams. My sister. The conversation I had last night with my Grandma. The pictures of Grandpa as a firefighter. When my mom talks about my dad without getting angry. Artists. Postcards. Friend requests on facebook. Sunlight. When people know my name.

Life.

Yes, I am a Material Girl

2009-07-01T22:18:00.001-04:00

I've bought/been given a lot of new things lately.

Such as, you ask?

DB bought me a brand-spankin-new 16G orange iPod nano...
And an iTrip...

I had to buy a case for my new laptop...

I bought one of these. Don't judge, haters.

Some short-shorts...

And more lingerie. What can I say? I'm addicted.

I've never been poorer. Or happier.

The problem with getting an iTrip is...

2009-06-30T01:08:00.000-04:00

I never really minded that my car's cigarette lighter was broken. I don't smoke cigs. That is, until DB bought me an iPod and an iTrip.

Then I started smoking up a storm. Not. But I did mind that the lighter was broken.

I went to an auto shop to get it fixed. I googled it beforehand and already knew that the problem was probably just the fuse (which DB or one of my other guy friends could have fixed), but I seriously couldn't wait any longer to rock out in my car.

I will never go to that damn place again.

While waiting for those dear auto guys to replace a simple fuse...

...I read Wicked.
I played games on my new iPod.
I watched Who Wants to be a Millionaire.
I watched All My Children. (ugh)
I read more Wicked.
I played more iPod.
Repeat.

I. Waited. Three. Hours.

It wouldn't have been so bad if I'd eaten beforehand. I'm a super-grump when I'm hungry.

It wouldn't have been so bad if the employee's children hadn't been running around the waiting room, through the garage, under the cars, and back into the waiting room. Headache central.

It wouldn't have been so bad if one of the children hadn't taken it upon himself to show me what was wrong with my car and then charge me $300 for it.

It wouldn't have been so bad it I hadn't waited an additional 15 minutes while the manager talked on the phone with one of his buddies.

Unfortunately, all these things did happen to me. And it sucked.

On the bright side, the boss didn't charge me for the fuse. And I can now rock out with my cock out to the most awesome music on the planet. In the most awesome car. With the most awesome boyfriend. I love DB.

The one where I admit my blog is crap

2009-06-29T09:22:00.000-04:00

During these last few weeks, things have changed in my life. I've lost a best friend and reconnected with another (the Cheffess). We've been spending more and more time together which ultimately leads to less and less time I spend on the computer.

The quality of my writing has been going downhill, I know. I don't have time to plan out every blog post. I can't just throw some pictures on the site and call it good because I'm anonymous. Honestly, I'm proud of myself for continuing to blog daily. Having a blog is more work than you'd think, huh?

I can't promise my writing will get better. I can't promise for perfectly polished posts. I can only promise to continue writing. I'm not going to give up this blog just because I've gotten busier. I'll learn to manage my time. I'm really enjoying myself and don't want to let this go.

Just bear with me and know that while you're reading these shitty blog posts, I'm out and about having the time of my life.

Pink

2009-06-26T10:37:00.000-04:00

I've been getting high a lot very busy this week, and I apologize. In lieu of a real post, here is the greatest video I've ever seen in my life:

Happy weekend, bunnies.

Remember when...?

2009-06-25T09:38:00.000-04:00

We met in seventh grade.

One day in middle school she convinced me to skip class with her. We were lame and scared of being caught, and spent an hour in the bathroom reading graffiti. Later in high school, we would skip class weekly to catch up and eat fast food.

We double-dated to nearly every high school dance. She would style my hair, we'd arrive together, and she usually hosted a sleepover at her house afterwards.

I wasn't shy around her; she knew the 'real Taylor'.

She got me my first boyfriend. She was always a loudmouth, and as soon as she knew I fancied CN, he knew.

We've had our minor fights. She calls me a tree-hugging hippie (it's true) and I call her an egotistic bitch (also true). She boasts about her bigger boobs and I flaunt my thinner figure.

When the Cheffess turned to drugs and alcohol for company and left us, we bonded even more. We spent entire weekends together, talking and laughing all night.

She knows my quirks to the point that she does them before I do.

She's the only one who knows that I'm often unhappy with my relationship with DB.

We've made so many memories together it's hard to recall them all. I'm sure that after I post this, another hilarious or touching or simply blog-worthy memory will pop into my head and I'll be kicking myself.

The last day we spent together was Saturday. Crazygirl and her and I went to the beach, took pictures, sang off-key in the car, and spent one last night with each other, talking about the past.

Sunday afternoon was the last time I saw her. I tearfully hugged my best friend goodbye and wished her the best of luck with her new life in the Marines.

The only constant in life is change. Sometimes it's hard to accept, especially when this means losing somebody you love.

Sometimes you have to say goodbye, dry your tears, and bravely face the new future.

I miss you, Marinegirl.

Would You Rather Wednesday

2009-06-24T09:30:00.000-04:00

On account of me having nothing to blog about, I'm going to copy Maxie's fabulous idea and have a...

...Would you Rather Wednesday!

The story: You've been dating the same guy/girl (but I'm only going to say guy for the rest of the post because I'm sexist*) for years. He loves you immensely and you love him too, but you often fall (hard) for other guys. You think this is a warning flag and that it means that you're subconsciously unhappy with the relationship. You decide it's because you're too young to be in such a serious relationship. You consider breaking up and 'playing the field' but you're scared of never finding another guy you connect with and love so much.

Would you...

Stay with him?

Try dating other people before settling down?

By the way...

--I hung out with Lipring yesterday. Yum.

*Not really.

Lip rings are hot

2009-06-23T08:48:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I got high with the Cheffess.

This was kind of a big deal for me; I haven't smoked since last summer.

She brought me along because she thought I'd like one of her smoking buddies, named Lipring. I did. A lot.

Typical Taylor.

Before going to Lipring's, I hung out with DB. We were both hot-and-bothered by each other and decided to have sex in the woods. However (dammit!!), we ran out of time and I ended up going to Lipring's very horny.

While high, my oversexed (or undersexed?) mind couldn't stop imagining the things I'd do to Lipring if only he'd let me. Don't worry, my bad karma will kill me. I know.

On the drive home, the Cheffess put her iPod on and for some reason, the music made me so incredibly happy. I was so very thankful to be her friend and so amazed at the events that had taken place that night. It was strange.

I'm spending another day with her today.

--
If you want to be as cool as me, you'll listen to Say So by My Favorite Highway. This is the song that made me oh-so-happy.

Hold me accountable, please

2009-06-22T10:33:00.000-04:00

CN's girlfriend posted a note on facebook listing off her summer goals. I've decided to copy her.

1) Stop obsessing over have-beens (read: CN)
2) Bike the entire bike trail (48 miles!)
3) Reconnect with some old friends
4) Go on a photo-taking excursion
5) Play the guitar and piano more often
6) Develop a regular exercise schedule
7) Have sex in the woods
8) Go skinny-dipping
9) Have a picnic on the beach

CN's girlfriend's list included a lot of things I've always wanted to do. It was quite disturbing for me to realize this. I guess her and I are alike in many ways. Besides the fact that she's a prude and I'm not. Haha, CN.

I win.

By the way...
--Marinegirl left yesterday. The Cheffess and Crazygirl and I watched her leave and then spent all day together, crying. I'll officially blog about it later.
--I bought a pregnancy test, on account of being a week and a half late, and it came out negative. Thank god.
--I think CN's on vacation. His car has been missing from the driveway for days. Yes, I stalk.
--That being said, I didn't think about him very much this weekend.

Who is this christian guy anyways?

2009-06-18T12:49:00.000-04:00

I realize that I've been blogging about CN a lot lately. Can't help it. He's on my mind a lot.

I also realize that I haven't given you guys a lot of background on CN, besides the fact that he's my ex-boyfriend and that I still (think I) love him.

This post therefore is dedicated to CN and the times we've shared. CN, by the way, stands for christian neighbor. He's literally the guy next door and also happens to be a very dedicated christian.

Anyways. Starting from the beginning...

Four years ago, CN became my first boyfriend. Exciting, yes? Not so much. Saying that we were an awkward couple is a serious understatement. I was even shyer than I am now and got tongue-tied every time he came near me. That being said, I never opened up to him. We never kissed. We never went to each others houses. We never even went out on an official date! We lasted three short months and I was the one who broke up with him. He had started flirting with other girls. It bugged me.

Fast forward to last year. CN and I had remained friends throughout the years, although we never started another relationship. I had developed plenty of crushes on him during this time, but I was too shy to make the first move. Typical Taylor.

Around this time I moved into a new house. A house that happened to be next door to CN's humble abode. Win. We began talking again. He started coming over after class. We talked, we flirted, we acted silly and happy and youthful together. He was so much different from the guy I had dated three years earlier. He was now dedicated to his faith and much more mature.

I, on the other hand, was not nearly as mature. I had recently discovered alcohol and marijuana and spent most of my time partying it up with my two new friends. CN knew about this and disapproved but still came over to see me. He often lectured me about my habits and my new friends. I scoffed at him.

He was in love with me.
He asked me on dates but I always refused.
He kept coming over even though I accidentally cried in front of him one time.
He asked my sister if I liked him.

Then DB entered the picture. I fell for him hard and we started a relationship.

CN stopped coming over, stopped talking to me, and became distant. At the time, I didn't care.

He met a girl, a christian girl, just as silly and dedicated to God as he was. They started dating.

A year later, I'm unhappy with my relationship with DB and lusting over CN once again. Unfortunately for my lovestruck heart, he's happy with his christian girlfriend and apparently is going to start ignoring me.

The worst part is that this is my fault. Completely. I let him go, I broke his heart, I chose DB over him. I feel like it was a mistake now.

He was so so in love with me. Could it really have faded?

By the way...
--No visit from Aunt Flo yet. I'm freaking the fuck out.
--I biked 24 miles (!) yesterday and am now awfully and painfully sunburned
--Thank you to everybody who's visited my blog lately! It means a ton to me!

I do believe I've lost him

2009-06-17T23:19:00.001-04:00

Yesterday I went shopping with DB.

My very-favorite-store-of-all-time Victoria's Secret was having a semi-annual sale. Of course I had to go.

After spending too much money (while DB waited outside for an hour..I'm sorry baby!!), we hit up the CD store. I was having a good ol time, looking through the Cds, listening to music, and dancing in the aisles.

Yes, I really do this. I find it therapeutic. I got the idea from a commercial I once saw (which I can't find now..any help?). It helps me understand that I shouldn't care about how other people view me. Plus, it's way fun. I love to dance.

Anyways. I'd been listening/dancing alone for a while and I realized that my faithful DB was no longer by my side. Where the hell had my dear wandered off to? Not the metal section. Not the pop/rock section. I happened to glance at the christian section.

And. Oh. My. God. There. Is. CN. (With his ugly girlfriend).

My heart stopped. My mouth literally fell open. That's never happened to me before. DB was talking to CN. A million-trillion thoughts ran through my mind.

Please don't let him mention the drunk texting (DB doesn't know).
I wonder if he knows that I was the one texting him?
Should I go talk to him?
She is so ugly.
God, I love him.
He would hate me for using God's name in vain.

I waited for the boys to stop talking before heading over.

Tay: Hey hon.
DB: Hey! Did you see CN?
Tay: Oh. Yeah.
DB: Go talk to him!
*CN walks past us*

For a split second I wondered whether or not to address him. Would DB find it strange if I didn't? Would CN think I was rude? Was he going to mention the text messages? Did he even want to talk about it?

Tay: Hi CN.
CN: Hey.

I wanted to talk with him. I wanted to explain. I wanted to ask him for forgiveness. I wanted to kiss him. I think I still love him.

But that was it. He didn't look at me. He didn't try to make conversation. He just walked on by and left me standing alone. Well, with DB, but you get the picture.

Fuck it. I give up. (Not. Like I could.)

On the bright side, I just spent over a hundred dollars on lingerie and the new Black Eyed Peas Cd. I like that boom boom pow.

I've been playing with it all day

2009-06-17T16:52:00.000-04:00

Take a look at what DB brought me yesterday!!! For all of you who don't play guitar, this is a Zoom 505II Guitar Effects Processor Pedal. *a chorus of angels sing* Read more about it here.

It's mutha-flippin awesome! My guitar has come a long way from the mere instrument it used to be. Combined with my effects pedal, it has now become a rock machine, capable of (just about) anything. I sound exactly like Jimi Hendrix now, only better.

Haha, not.

I really am excited about this little gift though. Maybe I can figure out how to record music onto my laptop and share the wonders of the effects pedal with you guys.

Toodles, I'm off to rock.

By the way...
--Aunt Flo's giving me a scare. I expected to see her ugly face last Friday, but she still hasn't shown. *gulp*

Why didn't I give him my number??

2009-06-16T18:35:00.000-04:00

Remember when you used to be 12 years old and you'd ride your bike downtown to go shopping and count the number of pervert guys that honked their horns at you?

Maybe not. But I do. And I loved it.

It made 12-year-old-freckled-and-skinny Taylor feel pretty. It made her feel wanted.

Today a sex god hit on me while I was buying a birthday present for DB. He flirted and teased and patiently listened to my pathetic attempts at flirting back. Then he sold me a camera. I pretty much waltzed out of the store, drunk on lust.

I'm hitting up the same store tomorrow and the next day and the next day...

You think I'm kidding.

By the way...
--My step dad officially apologized to my sister and I for the fiasco on Friday. My mom and him are getting professional help.

Please excuse my drunken blogging

2009-06-15T04:01:00.000-04:00

My weekend in a blog post!

Friday was fantastic and horrible. My dear sister and I had a fabulous martini party at my step dad's house. Strange, I know, but he's cool. Kind of cool anyways. Halfway through the night and after we finished off the first bottle of vodka, he began yelling shit about my mom and so we left. Spend the night at Filmguy's house.

The next day I found out I did something very very bad. I texted CN. First I texted him his name and a rhyming word, you know? Like Anna Banana except for it was more CN-BNish. I don't know. He called and I ignored him. He's way christian and perfect and I didn't want him to know I was tipsy. The next day I realized I texted him twice more...

Tay: im so so sry i texted to i didnt mean to im stupid
*no reply*
Tay [one hour later]: im really really sry i texted u i didnt mean to i love you CN.

I love you CN? Really? I LOVE YOU CN?!?!? I can't believe I fucking proclaimed my love for CN over a text. message. He called the next day while I was at work but I ignored it once again. I am so embarrassed. I wonder if he knows that drunken words (or in my case, texts) are sober thoughts.

Saturday... I had to work Job #2 with a crazyass hangover. Luckily I worked with my favorite hot coworkers, including the Gamer, Smileyguy, That hot guy I work with, and my hot manager.
Later on that night I hung out with my girls, Crazygirl and Marinegirl. One week until my dear bff leaves me.

Sunday I worked both jobs and then had sex all night with DB. Fabulous sex. Be jealous. Be very very jealous, women.

A real post will be coming soon. Tomorrow maybe. I'm busy, alrighty?

Third time's the charm

2009-06-12T10:58:00.000-04:00

Remember the time when DB's wallet got stolen?

We've been trying to get a new licence for a while. I had no idea it was so damn difficult! I've been trying to help DB out with this (because I'm pretty much the most awesome loving girl in the world!) by driving him to and from the Secretary of State (which I'm going to shorten to SOS, because I say it a lot in this post). I don't want him driving licenceless! Anyways. We first started our search for the ever-so-elusive new licence on Wednesday. We planned to meet at his house at 9.

That day.
7:00 my alarm goes off.
SNOOZE.
7:08 my alarm goes off.
SNOOZE.
7:16 my alarm goes off.
SNOOZE.

See a pattern here?

8:00 my alarm goes off. And stays off. Lucky me, if I don't stop hitting snooze within an hour, the alarm clock assumes it's impossible to wake this bum up and gives up. Shiiiit.

11flippin30 the bright near-afternoon sunshine wakes me up.

Tay: *yells out a stream of cuss words waaaay too vulgar for this blog*

DB had texted me plenty of times, wondering where the hell I was, but I had my phone on silent. Smart.

I race over to his house, hair mussed and unshowered (ew), and we race off to the SOS. 3 hours later than we'd planned to. Awesome.

Guess what obstacle we run into next? I'm driving on the highway, upset at myself for being so damn lazy, and we realize that the exit I need is closed for construction. Really? Did it have to be today?

Lucky me, DB knew another way to get there. Or not. His awesome direction skills led me way out in the middle of nowhere and then back - literally exactly where we had started. Thanks, baby.

DB and I are real annoyed and hungry now, so we decide to put off SOS until the next day and go out for some delicious breakfast instead.

Next day.
DB is prepared with his birth certificate and social-security card. I'm prepared with a new route, highway-free and hopefully free of construction.

We arrive at the SOS quickly enough and all seems perfect. The parking lot wasn't even full! This never happens! Life seemed good.

Until we got inside.

SOS girl: We actually need more identification than this. Bring in some W2 forms, a diploma, maybe some mail of yours? Anything like that will work.

W. T. F. Seriously!?!?

The funny thing is, DB had googled the SOS online to make sure he had everything he needed. And that liar website told us that he only needed his SS number and the birth certificate.

We were fuming. And hungry again.

Cue some more delicious breakfast.

Third time's the charm, right? And it was, thank you very much. I don't know what I would have done if I had to drive back home and then back out there again. Probably just go out for breakfast.

Happy weekend :)

Overreaction? I think not.

2009-06-10T23:07:00.000-04:00

I let spiders live in my room.

Except on my bed. If the fuckers even try to crawl all creepy-like onto my beautiful comfy bed, I will SMOOSH their arachnid asses!

But if they're chilling under my desk, eating the gross ants and mosquitoes and earwigs that sometimes venture into my room, I'll let them live and sometimes even name them. One reason my blog is anonymous.

I named the last one I found creeper, because GOD, he was creepy. But naming him made him a little less creepy and even a little cute (shuttup), and I was able to cope with the scary guy living near my trash can.

Spiders love Job #1, by the way. Like love-love it. They've swarmed the building, I've seen customers run from them, and the employees are encouraged to sweep them off the side of the building in our free time.

The spiders aren't usually too bad this time of year. I've seen one in the trash can and a few crawling around in the corners, but nothing too creeptastic.

Until tonight.

We'd just closed down the shop and I was driving a co-worker across the street so she wouldn't have to brave the rapist-infested streets on her own. Just kidding, I don't work in a rapist-infested neighborhood. We're just paranoid.

I pull into the empty (not counting my co-worker's car) and dark parking lot. I park. I look out my driver's side half-rolled-down window. And I come face-to-face with...

...THE HUGEST EFFING SPIDER I'VE EVER SEEN!!! And ohmigod, it's crawling up towards the open window INTO MY CAR!!!

I scream like I've never screamed before and then panic. I frantically roll up the window as fast as I flippin can! The spider is seriously racing me, running as fast as it can up the window so it can get into my car and kill me. It's a close call, but I luckily close the window literally just before the killer gets in.

Everybody else in the car had flipped the fuck out. They had no idea what I was screaming about and had assumed the worst.

But, seriously, what's worse than having a huge spider bite your face and suck out all of your blood? That's right, it almost happened to me.

Loving RENT too much? Impossible.

2009-06-10T00:04:00.000-04:00

Something you should know about me: I love RENT more than anything else in the entire world. Don't tell DB.

On another note, Marinegirl (my best friend) is leaving me to join the Marines in two weeks. I'm pretty much devastated, so expect a very tearful, depressing blog post in about two weeks.

Marinegirl loves tattoos and to celebrate her leaving, one of our friends (I'll name her the Cheffess... kind of like The Bloggess or a Goddess except she's a Chef. You know.) and I want to get tattoos with Marinegirl.

Dilemma!! Where/what/why. DB told me that, if i get a tattoo, it should have some sort of meaning behind it. Ummmmm...?

In my very-favorite-movie-of-all-time, RENT!, Maureen has a tattoo:

Look at 1:14, because I can't find a picture online. Or, since you can't see it very well, you should just buy this wonderful movie and watch it on your huge TV at home. Or I could just tell you that she has a few stars on her ass. Classy, I know.

Maybe you can guess what I'm getting at. Should I get the exact same effing tattoo on my bum?!?

Need some input. If I don't decide soon, I'm going to end up with the same cliche butterfly on my ankle that every other girl-who-randomly-decided-to-get-a-tattoo has. No offense if you have this tattoo. Really.

By the way...
--I've got the bitch dog situation under control. I'm only entering/leaving DB's house through his basement door! The bitch dog never comes down there! Win.

As you can probably tell, I'm still pretty mad

2009-06-09T00:41:00.000-04:00

New decision: I hate people.

Why, you ask?

Today DB got his wallet stolen by an ugly stupid whore bitch.

It was noonish and we were driving to get gas. Keep in mind what you should know about DB: he works third shift, and so being up at noon means that he only slept about three hours. He wasn't too focused today.

Anyways, we're getting gas. We pull up, pay, pump gas, blah, blah, blah. And we drive away.

I'm looking out the window like I usually do and something in the rear view mirror catches my eye. It almost looked like something small and black had flown off of the top of DB's car. Dun dun dunnn.

Tay: Hon? Do you have your wallet?
DB: Yeah, why?
Tay: Never mind. I thought I saw something fall of the top of your car.
DB: *feels around in his pocket* SHIT! MY WALLET!

So he FLIES the car around in the most suicidal U-turn I've ever experienced and drives back down the street. It can't be more than 20 seconds after the damn thing flew off the car.

DB: Oh. My. God. I'm pretty sure somebody's picking it up right now. In that white car.

And sure enough, I could see a stupidass ugly whore trash bitch pick something up off the ground and jump back into her pieceofshit car.

*DB and Tay pull up next to the car*
DB: *rolls down the window while waving frantically* Hey. Have you seen a wallet around here?
Stupidass ugly whore trash bitch: No.
DB: Oh. Kay...
*Stupidass ugly whore trash bitch quickly drives off*

We park. We search around. We find a few dollars, a bookstore gift card, and pictures of DB's cousin in the exact place that the Stupidass ugly whore trash bitch's car had been. Exactly where we had seen her get out and pick something up.

The bitch had lied straight to our faces.

DB was angry, but he's good at hiding it. I've never sworn so much in my life.

I'd like to think people are generally good. I really would. I try not to stereotype, I try not to judge, I try to get to know people, and I try to BELIEVE PEOPLE WHEN THEY TELL ME THEY HAVEN'T SEEN A WALLET AROUND. So would DB. Hence us driving away and letting her go without getting her licence plate or anything. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Luckily, DB had been lazy and stuck his credit card into his pant pocket instead of back into the wallet. And he barely had any money because he only uses the credit card now.

I hope her bad karma gives her herpes.

By the way...
--I saw CN getting his mail today and he waved at me. I melted.
--This hot guy I work with (Job #2) complained about his new girlfriend to me. He used to complain about his old girlfriend too. He totally wants me.

EDIT
The only person in the whole world I don't hate is Maxie, because of this fabulousness:

High Hopes and Squirrels

2009-06-06T13:48:00.000-04:00

I'm playing Pink Floyd off my laptop right now. I'm sitting next to my window in my room.
And a fucking squirrel just came up to me. Well, to the window which is right next to me.
Like, right-right next to it.
My room is in the basement, so the bottom of the window is level with the ground.

Pink Floyd attracts rodent-y wildlife!
I am not making this up.

A real post will be coming soon. But not today. I'm hitting up some grad parties and a festival with DB. I may see my Christian Neighbor (CN), so I'm looking reeeal sexy.

Throw it up! And pick it up at the next window

2009-06-06T01:44:00.000-04:00

I so love my job (#1).

Something you should know about me: I work two jobs. Job #1 is fabulous and easy and fun. Job #2 is not-so-fabulous and shitty and I actually hate the bitch. To help you remember which is which, I made up this handy poem:

1 is fun.
2 is poo.

Anyways.

I worked at job #1 today. Awesomeness galore. There's a lotta things to love about job #1:

I can eat a shitload of free food when I'm working alone. Healthy, I know.

We have 'regular customers' whom I love. I feel like we're old pals. Just because I know what they're going to order. Yeah. Especially the little boy who comes every week and orders the exact same thing and specifies, every time, what color he wants it. Especially because he came today and proudly told me that "today was his last day of kindegarten!" Awwwww!!! He's a cutie. Pedofileish? I think not.

My co-workers are more than my co-workers. They're my girls and I love them! Besides the new girl, we've all worked there for years and we've bonded-over-work, you know?

I'm awesome at working here. And, no, I am not full of myself. I just happen to be the shit at my job. I've been working there for four years, so you'd better believe I know whatthefuck I'm doing! And that makes me feel cool.

I love the tips. I'm good at making them. I'll blog about that another time.

I love how easy this job is. When business is slow, I sit back and read. Today I finished an entire book and got paid for it, bitches! Plus, if I'm working by myself I can plug my ipod into the radio and dance all crazy-like. I know you know what I mean. You do it too when nobody's looking.

So I was doing that today. And I was blasting that shit.

And, BAM!, it got busy. So I dance up to the order-window real quick and start taking orders. And the music is still really loud. Like, the customers could definitely hear it. And this song comes on:

And I'm like, shiiiiit!! Because I didn't know what to do. The line was pretty fricking long and so I decided to ignore the music and hurry through the orders so that they'd all leave me to my peace and dancing.

Tay: Hi!
Lil Jon: YEEEeeeeeeeeeah!!
Tay: What can I get for you today?
Customer: I'll have a -
Lil Jon: THROW IT UP MUTHA FUCKER, THROW IT UP!!!
Tay: I'm sorry, what was that?
Customer: *disgusted* I. Said. I'll. Have. A. Small-
Lil Jon: WE RUN THIS!
Tay: I'm sorry, what was- Nevermind. One second.

And I turned it off. After a few orders and a few offended customers.

The bosses' husband showed up minutes after I turned it off. Hollaa!

Why is my name Taylor, again?

2009-06-04T00:29:00.000-04:00

So I know you're all dying to know why I named this blog My Name is Taylor because I'm psychic. Well, you're probably not wondering that, but I'm going to tell you about it anyways. Feel free to stop reading now, I promise it won't hurt my feelings.

I was trying to copy my idol, Earl. From My Name is Earl.

Earl: You know the kind of guy who does nothing but bad things and then wonders why his life sucks? Well, that was me. Every time something good happened to me, something bad was waiting right around the corner. Karma. That's when I realized that I had to change, so I made a list of everything bad I've ever done and one by one, I'm gonna make up for all my mistakes. I'm just trying to be a better person. My name is Earl.

Except mine would be more like:

You know the kind of girl who's secretly crazy-weird but pretends she's halfway normal so that people don't avoid her and look at her like she's crazy on the streets? Well, that was me. Every time I decided to let 'the real Taylor' inside of me loose, people would stare and try to stifle laughs and make up obviously FAKE excuses to leave. Bitches. That's when I realized I had to change, so I made a blog and one by one, I'm going to discuss every single thing that happens to my lame ass. I'm just trying to entertain myself. My name is Taylor.

Yep. Another boring post from a very bored girl.

In other news, I went bike-trailing (12 miles!!) and golfing (78 on a 9 hole...) with DB today. Oodles of noodles of fun indeed.

And that's what I get for staying up late

2009-06-02T22:13:00.000-04:00

The plan: Wake up early. Shower, eat, do makeup. Fix my hair so it looks real messy and sex-kitteny. Get dressed in something very similar to this little number:...

...and then wait for DB at the door. Surprise him with perfect and beautiful and delicious sexy sex.

What really happened: I stayed up real late the night before being my normal lame self. I was stressing over DB's request to have us try role-playing and so I was googling role-playing scripts to help my lame ass prepare. For anyone in a similar situation, this site won't help. The femdom (female domination) section didn't help me at ALL!! They encouraged lots of spitting in mouths. Gag me please. Disgusting.

Reading about sex made me kind of horny, not gonna lie. I decided to google some more femdom stuff. I wanted my plan to go perfectly, after all, and I knew DB would really enjoy me being more dominant. The first (and forever last) website I went to was TERRIBLE!!! Yep, I'm not linking to it. There's no way in HELL I'm subjecting you guys to that. I have never seen so many pictures of tortured man junk in my life. I was going to post some pictures of the shit the poor guys had attached to them, but do I want that on my blog? Nosirree.

Let's just say I was completely disgusted and turned-off of femdom.

But I was still horny.

So I decided to do something I've never done before. Check out porn. I locked my door, threw on some headphones, and googled the all-intriguing word: pornography!. I won't go into details about what I found. Let's just say it wasn't what I was looking for. But, hell, I realized something very important about myself: I hate seeing vag that isn't mine.

At that point it was a few hours past my planned bedtime, but now I didn't feel like going to bed AT ALL. After watching that shit? I'd probably dream of nasty girl vag and wake up screaming. "EeeeeWww!!" Real mature, Taylor. Reeeeal mature,I know.

Anyways. I turned to my ol' stand-by. Blogging!! I discovered this blog and this blog and this blog and laughed a lot. After a few hours of this I got real tired. I needed sleep badly. I figured I didn't have to turn on my alarm; I'd have no trouble waking up early for some *Taylor sings* delicious seeex!!

Fast forward to this morning where I rolled over from a great sleep to discover that it's already 1230 PM!!! I freaked out. I ran upstairs in my comfy pjs to see if he had arrived. Lucky me, DB was just parking and walking up to my door. Shiiit.

I answered the door looking quite like the tired, just-woken-up girl that I was.

Taylor: hey. I accidentally just woke up.

DB: *sighs and laughs sadly*

(he knew about my plan to wear sexy lingerie)

It must suck hardcore to be him.

Plus, the sex was not good. For me. Stupid girls from a stupid porn kept popping into my head and turning me off at the worst moments!! Thanks, porn. Damn you.

God, I'm Blessed

2009-06-01T22:30:00.000-04:00

Today's wonderfulness completely made up for the lameness of yesterday!

I woke up to DB kissing my forehead, which was a complete surprise. I didn't think he was coming over until hours later. We snuggled in bed for a couple of minutes before heading out to get some McDonalds breakfast, yumm. Nothing like a thousand-calorie breakfast to wake you up!

After filling up on our fatty delicious breakfasts, we headed back to my place for some special alone time ;) The sex was great. Plus, we haven't had sex for WEEKS!!! So that made it all the more special and pleasing.

I decided to take a shower after a couple hours of this. When I got back, DB was fast asleep on my bed.

Something you should know about DB: he works third shift, which means 10:30 pm - 7:20 am. Ugh. He had arrived at my house around 8. He hadn't slept at all.

I snuck in, topless with boxer shorts on, trying to be quiet. He immediately sat up when he heard me re-close the door and stared at me for a couple of seconds.

DB: "God, I'm blessed."
Taylor: *melts*

He fell back asleep and later didn't remember that he said it. But he did! Godi'mblessed. Godi'mblessed. Godi'mblessed. I'm in love with a guy who thinks he's blessed to be with me.

No, DB. I'm blessed.

I am so lame

2009-05-31T15:07:00.001-04:00

Today is a lame day.

There is nothing to do today. Marinegirl (my best friend) is busy with her hot new marine fuck-buddy. My sister (my other best friend) is doing homework (lame..). Dearboyfriend is going out to the buffet with his guy friends today. Crazygirl is attempting to move out of her house into Marinegirl's. I could hit up some grad parties, but I hate going to those kinds of things alone. What a bore.

I've already:

eaten. a lot.
played the guitar for over an hour
did my hair and makeup just in case
read through my favorite blogs

Plus, our fridge is broken so we don't have any good food. Or milk. Which I drink in my coffee. Taylor is suffering from a very boring, very coffeeless day. *sigh*

Later tonight I have to work with the new girl. According to my sister and my other co-workers, she's loud and obnoxious, fat, and slow. If I'm lucky, she'll provide me with something interesting to blog about. If I'm unlucky, I'll be bored to hell all night listening to her fatass ramble on and on.

I shouldn't talk like that. It'll give me bad karma.

I'm going to sit in my backyard and creep on CN. I am so lame.

No, dogs do not turn me on.

2009-05-30T00:55:00.000-04:00

So. Dearboyfriend (my boyfriend.. obviously..) and I had the worst conversation today. We were heading off to the mall when he asked to go have sex at his house instead. I whined about wanting to go to the mall and conversation stopped for a couple of minutes. He seemed real upset.

Taylor: Are you okay?
DB (dearboyfriend): Yeah, I'm fine, it'd just be... y'know... nice to have a girlfriend that finds me attractive.

Stupid. Of course I find you attractive. Otherwise I wouldn't be with you. Duh.

So we end up having this 15-minute conversation that consisted solely of me convincing him that I still find him attractive. Which I really do. I'm very physically attracted to him and I love sex with him. He's one of those guys that wants me to climax first, yknow? It's awesome.

The real reason I didn't want to go to his house for delicious sex? I'm scared shitless of his dog. The stupid bitch has bitten my feet twice now. I absolutely loathe that stupid dog and I've been avoiding his house for about a month because of it. But DB adores the stupid pooch and so I pretend I like her. He's one of those guys who would be secretly upset at something like me hating his dog. Luckily (and I'm going to have some shit karma for saying this), the dog is like 14 years old and nearing death.

I can't wait.

Goodbye my lover

2009-05-28T22:48:00.001-04:00

So. I'm pretty sure that I will never talk to my ex-boyfriend (who I'll call CN, on account of him being my Christian Neighbor) again. He seems to be completely infatuated with his new uglyass girlfriend. Yes, I'm bitter. He's ignored my obvious attempts to reunite. Last night was sort of our last chance at re-falling in love and we didn't. He barely even talked to me.

Didn't help that I avoid eye contact and that I get really flustered around him. Damn.

Anyways, we dating a couple of years ago. It was never serious and I broke up with him after a couple of months. I've re-fallen for him plenty of times in between then and now but we never got back together. Last year he wanted me pretty badly, but unfortunately for both of us, he wanted me at a time when I reallllly wanted somebody else. Dammit! And now our chance at love is gone. Unless he randomly decides to stop by the house (which I've told him he should do SO many fucking times), we will never speak again. *sigh*

I had such high hopes for last night's party. I really wanted us to have a nice heart-to-heart and then fuck, you know?