Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Everything is Beautiful

Today I mourn for the loss of a friend.

He quit his job. The job we shared. The only time we got to see each other. And how did I find this out? Fucking facebook.

What the hell, Daniel?

Heartbreak hurts.

I remember when I first met my dear friend Daniel. He stood, looking professional in his silly work uniform, near the front of the store. I glanced at him with shy admiration and said nothing. Daniel looked at me and immediately introduced himself. Asked how I liked my job. Simply talked with me. I don't remember much of him from this time; he was just another employee in my eyes.

This sure wasn't the case, and I learned quickly. I remember the day I first felt like we bonded. We were cleaning together in the main room, sweeping and scrubbing. We talked. Daniel confessed to me that he had a crush on a fellow employee - a loud, silly, immature-but-totally-sexy girl I admired. I gave Daniel advice (ask her to a movie!), he squirted me with sanitizer.

On one particularly busy day, Daniel was overwhelmed by the customers. He looked at me with frantic eyes, surrounded by impatient assholes, and mouthed "HELP!" In a jiffy I was at his side, ready to help, and telling him, "I'm here, Daniel dear." He stopped what he was doing and looked at me. "I love you" he said.

After that, I talked to Daniel as much as possible. I told him I had a boyfriend (DB). He told me he was going to kill him (because he loved me). If I hadn't been completely in love with DB at the time, I probably would've fallen for Daniel.

Daniel began greeting me by saying "hello beautiful" or "hey gorgeous". I tried calling him beautiful once. He called me a liar. I'm guessing he still doesn't believe me today.

One day, to my pleasure, I got Daniel to admit that he finds me "absolutely beautiful" (yes, we both use the word beautiful a lot). I loved him for that. I waltzed out of the store on clouds, belting out beautiful symphonies and nearly flying. Or not. But I was glowing.

He's so alive. He's so honest. He loves people and isn't afraid to tell them. He appreciates life more than anybody else I've ever met. And he's living it to the fullest, that's for sure. Wherever Daniel goes, the party follows. My quality of life sky-rockets just being around his energy.

I remember the last time I had a real conversation with Daniel. I stayed after work for a while to talk with him. He laughed at me for having a childish watch. I admired him for traveling to Europe to study literature. He admitted that he hates himself sometimes. Then he admitted that he actually really loves me. Then (on a high from being complimented by him)...I left.

I wish I had known he was leaving. I wish I had known that it was the last time I'd get the chance to talk with him. I would've hugged him. I would've given him a big kiss on the cheek. I would've told him how much he means to me. I would've told him I admire him, love him... so much.

He inspires me to live crazier, be happier, just let it be. He reminds me that it's okay to love unconditionally - to love fucking everything and everyone because, hell, life is beautiful and if you can't appreciate it you might as well lie down and die.

Daniel? I wish you hadn't left.
Daniel? You're beautiful.
Daniel? I love you.

And, Daniel? God, I miss you.

Song of the Day: Inside Out by Eve 6
Have you ever lost a best friend? Suddenly?


Jen - tsk said...

That's so sad! I feel compelled to track Daniel down and tell him I love him now!!

Lucy said...

It sucks when a work buddy quits and it is even worse with no heads up and closure.

Hope, you get a new work buddy soon!!!!

JennyMac said...

Daniel...you rogue.

Wonderful said...

Aww, at least you have the best memories of him. But if he loved you, why couldn't he tell you he quit?? I hope you keep in touch with him.

The Peach Tart said...

Why not write to him on Facebook and tell him? Just a thought.

Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting.

Taylor said...

Jen-tsk: Me too...

Lucy: Thanks! I've still got a few other work buddies to chat with :)

JennyMac: Agreed.

Wonderful: I wondered that too. We've kept in touch since he left though!

The Peach Tart: I did immediately, haha. We're still talking online and planning to visit each other soon, but it's not the same as seeing him everyday, you know? Thanks for visiting my blog too! xoxo

Elizabeth Marie said...

Daniel sounds like quite the friend...I'm glad you're in touch on FB. FB is good for something sometimes ha. Besides farmtown and sorority row. Not that I would engage...

Jill Pilgrim said...

Awww- hugs!

Maggie May said...

i JUST did a tribute post too, to my friend. awesome friends are....uh..um..awesome!