Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The problem with getting an iTrip is...

I never really minded that my car's cigarette lighter was broken. I don't smoke cigs. That is, until DB bought me an iPod and an iTrip.

Then I started smoking up a storm. Not. But I did mind that the lighter was broken.

I went to an auto shop to get it fixed. I googled it beforehand and already knew that the problem was probably just the fuse (which DB or one of my other guy friends could have fixed), but I seriously couldn't wait any longer to rock out in my car.

I will never go to that damn place again.

While waiting for those dear auto guys to replace a simple fuse...

...I read Wicked.
I played games on my new iPod.
I watched Who Wants to be a Millionaire.
I watched All My Children. (ugh)
I read more Wicked.
I played more iPod.

I. Waited. Three. Hours.

It wouldn't have been so bad if I'd eaten beforehand. I'm a super-grump when I'm hungry.

It wouldn't have been so bad if the employee's children hadn't been running around the waiting room, through the garage, under the cars, and back into the waiting room. Headache central.

It wouldn't have been so bad if one of the children hadn't taken it upon himself to show me what was wrong with my car and then charge me $300 for it.

It wouldn't have been so bad it I hadn't waited an additional 15 minutes while the manager talked on the phone with one of his buddies.

Unfortunately, all these things did happen to me. And it sucked.

On the bright side, the boss didn't charge me for the fuse. And I can now rock out with my cock out to the most awesome music on the planet. In the most awesome car. With the most awesome boyfriend. I love DB.

Monday, June 29, 2009

The one where I admit my blog is crap

During these last few weeks, things have changed in my life. I've lost a best friend and reconnected with another (the Cheffess). We've been spending more and more time together which ultimately leads to less and less time I spend on the computer.

The quality of my writing has been going downhill, I know. I don't have time to plan out every blog post. I can't just throw some pictures on the site and call it good because I'm anonymous. Honestly, I'm proud of myself for continuing to blog daily. Having a blog is more work than you'd think, huh?

I can't promise my writing will get better. I can't promise for perfectly polished posts. I can only promise to continue writing. I'm not going to give up this blog just because I've gotten busier. I'll learn to manage my time. I'm really enjoying myself and don't want to let this go.

Just bear with me and know that while you're reading these shitty blog posts, I'm out and about having the time of my life.

Friday, June 26, 2009


I've been getting high a lot very busy this week, and I apologize. In lieu of a real post, here is the greatest video I've ever seen in my life:

Happy weekend, bunnies.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Remember when...?

We met in seventh grade.

One day in middle school she convinced me to skip class with her. We were lame and scared of being caught, and spent an hour in the bathroom reading graffiti. Later in high school, we would skip class weekly to catch up and eat fast food.

We double-dated to nearly every high school dance. She would style my hair, we'd arrive together, and she usually hosted a sleepover at her house afterwards.

I wasn't shy around her; she knew the 'real Taylor'.

She got me my first boyfriend. She was always a loudmouth, and as soon as she knew I fancied CN, he knew.

We've had our minor fights. She calls me a tree-hugging hippie (it's true) and I call her an egotistic bitch (also true). She boasts about her bigger boobs and I flaunt my thinner figure.

When the Cheffess turned to drugs and alcohol for company and left us, we bonded even more. We spent entire weekends together, talking and laughing all night.

She knows my quirks to the point that she does them before I do.

She's the only one who knows that I'm often unhappy with my relationship with DB.

We've made so many memories together it's hard to recall them all. I'm sure that after I post this, another hilarious or touching or simply blog-worthy memory will pop into my head and I'll be kicking myself.

The last day we spent together was Saturday. Crazygirl and her and I went to the beach, took pictures, sang off-key in the car, and spent one last night with each other, talking about the past.

Sunday afternoon was the last time I saw her. I tearfully hugged my best friend goodbye and wished her the best of luck with her new life in the Marines.

The only constant in life is change. Sometimes it's hard to accept, especially when this means losing somebody you love.

Sometimes you have to say goodbye, dry your tears, and bravely face the new future.

I miss you, Marinegirl.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Would You Rather Wednesday

On account of me having nothing to blog about, I'm going to copy Maxie's fabulous idea and have a...

...Would you Rather Wednesday!

The story: You've been dating the same guy/girl (but I'm only going to say guy for the rest of the post because I'm sexist*) for years. He loves you immensely and you love him too, but you often fall (hard) for other guys. You think this is a warning flag and that it means that you're subconsciously unhappy with the relationship. You decide it's because you're too young to be in such a serious relationship. You consider breaking up and 'playing the field' but you're scared of never finding another guy you connect with and love so much.

Would you...
Stay with him?
Try dating other people before settling down?

By the way...
--I hung out with Lipring yesterday. Yum.

*Not really.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Lip rings are hot

Yesterday I got high with the Cheffess.

This was kind of a big deal for me; I haven't smoked since last summer.

She brought me along because she thought I'd like one of her smoking buddies, named Lipring. I did. A lot.

Typical Taylor.

Before going to Lipring's, I hung out with DB. We were both hot-and-bothered by each other and decided to have sex in the woods. However (dammit!!), we ran out of time and I ended up going to Lipring's very horny.

While high, my oversexed (or undersexed?) mind couldn't stop imagining the things I'd do to Lipring if only he'd let me. Don't worry, my bad karma will kill me. I know.

On the drive home, the Cheffess put her iPod on and for some reason, the music made me so incredibly happy. I was so very thankful to be her friend and so amazed at the events that had taken place that night. It was strange.

I'm spending another day with her today.
If you want to be as cool as me, you'll listen to Say So by My Favorite Highway. This is the song that made me oh-so-happy.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Hold me accountable, please

CN's girlfriend posted a note on facebook listing off her summer goals. I've decided to copy her.

1) Stop obsessing over have-beens (read: CN)
2) Bike the entire bike trail (48 miles!)
3) Reconnect with some old friends
4) Go on a photo-taking excursion
5) Play the guitar and piano more often
6) Develop a regular exercise schedule
7) Have sex in the woods
8) Go skinny-dipping
9) Have a picnic on the beach

CN's girlfriend's list included a lot of things I've always wanted to do. It was quite disturbing for me to realize this. I guess her and I are alike in many ways. Besides the fact that she's a prude and I'm not. Haha, CN.

I win.

By the way...
--Marinegirl left yesterday. The Cheffess and Crazygirl and I watched her leave and then spent all day together, crying. I'll officially blog about it later.
--I bought a pregnancy test, on account of being a week and a half late, and it came out negative. Thank god.
--I think CN's on vacation. His car has been missing from the driveway for days. Yes, I stalk.
--That being said, I didn't think about him very much this weekend.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Who is this christian guy anyways?

I realize that I've been blogging about CN a lot lately. Can't help it. He's on my mind a lot.

I also realize that I haven't given you guys a lot of background on CN, besides the fact that he's my ex-boyfriend and that I still (think I) love him.

This post therefore is dedicated to CN and the times we've shared. CN, by the way, stands for christian neighbor. He's literally the guy next door and also happens to be a very dedicated christian.

Anyways. Starting from the beginning...

Four years ago, CN became my first boyfriend. Exciting, yes? Not so much. Saying that we were an awkward couple is a serious understatement. I was even shyer than I am now and got tongue-tied every time he came near me. That being said, I never opened up to him. We never kissed. We never went to each others houses. We never even went out on an official date! We lasted three short months and I was the one who broke up with him. He had started flirting with other girls. It bugged me.

Fast forward to last year. CN and I had remained friends throughout the years, although we never started another relationship. I had developed plenty of crushes on him during this time, but I was too shy to make the first move. Typical Taylor.

Around this time I moved into a new house. A house that happened to be next door to CN's humble abode. Win. We began talking again. He started coming over after class. We talked, we flirted, we acted silly and happy and youthful together. He was so much different from the guy I had dated three years earlier. He was now dedicated to his faith and much more mature.

I, on the other hand, was not nearly as mature. I had recently discovered alcohol and marijuana and spent most of my time partying it up with my two new friends. CN knew about this and disapproved but still came over to see me. He often lectured me about my habits and my new friends. I scoffed at him.

He was in love with me.
He asked me on dates but I always refused.
He kept coming over even though I accidentally cried in front of him one time.
He asked my sister if I liked him.

Then DB entered the picture. I fell for him hard and we started a relationship.

CN stopped coming over, stopped talking to me, and became distant. At the time, I didn't care.

He met a girl, a christian girl, just as silly and dedicated to God as he was. They started dating.

A year later, I'm unhappy with my relationship with DB and lusting over CN once again. Unfortunately for my lovestruck heart, he's happy with his christian girlfriend and apparently is going to start ignoring me.

The worst part is that this is my fault. Completely. I let him go, I broke his heart, I chose DB over him. I feel like it was a mistake now.

He was so so in love with me. Could it really have faded?

By the way...
--No visit from Aunt Flo yet. I'm freaking the fuck out.
--I biked 24 miles (!) yesterday and am now awfully and painfully sunburned
--Thank you to everybody who's visited my blog lately! It means a ton to me!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

I do believe I've lost him

Yesterday I went shopping with DB.

My very-favorite-store-of-all-time Victoria's Secret was having a semi-annual sale. Of course I had to go.

After spending too much money (while DB waited outside for an hour..I'm sorry baby!!), we hit up the CD store. I was having a good ol time, looking through the Cds, listening to music, and dancing in the aisles.

Yes, I really do this. I find it therapeutic. I got the idea from a commercial I once saw (which I can't find now..any help?). It helps me understand that I shouldn't care about how other people view me. Plus, it's way fun. I love to dance.

Anyways. I'd been listening/dancing alone for a while and I realized that my faithful DB was no longer by my side. Where the hell had my dear wandered off to? Not the metal section. Not the pop/rock section. I happened to glance at the christian section.

And. Oh. My. God. There. Is. CN. (With his ugly girlfriend).

My heart stopped. My mouth literally fell open. That's never happened to me before. DB was talking to CN. A million-trillion thoughts ran through my mind.

Please don't let him mention the drunk texting (DB doesn't know).
I wonder if he knows that I was the one texting him?
Should I go talk to him?
She is so ugly.
God, I love him.
He would hate me for using God's name in vain.

I waited for the boys to stop talking before heading over.

Tay: Hey hon.
DB: Hey! Did you see CN?
Tay: Oh. Yeah.
DB: Go talk to him!
*CN walks past us*

For a split second I wondered whether or not to address him. Would DB find it strange if I didn't? Would CN think I was rude? Was he going to mention the text messages? Did he even want to talk about it?

Tay: Hi CN.
CN: Hey.

I wanted to talk with him. I wanted to explain. I wanted to ask him for forgiveness. I wanted to kiss him. I think I still love him.

But that was it. He didn't look at me. He didn't try to make conversation. He just walked on by and left me standing alone. Well, with DB, but you get the picture.

Fuck it. I give up. (Not. Like I could.)

On the bright side, I just spent over a hundred dollars on lingerie and the new Black Eyed Peas Cd. I like that boom boom pow.

I've been playing with it all day

Take a look at what DB brought me yesterday!!! For all of you who don't play guitar, this is a Zoom 505II Guitar Effects Processor Pedal. *a chorus of angels sing* Read more about it here.

It's mutha-flippin awesome! My guitar has come a long way from the mere instrument it used to be. Combined with my effects pedal, it has now become a rock machine, capable of (just about) anything. I sound exactly like Jimi Hendrix now, only better.

Haha, not.

I really am excited about this little gift though. Maybe I can figure out how to record music onto my laptop and share the wonders of the effects pedal with you guys.
Toodles, I'm off to rock.
By the way...
--Aunt Flo's giving me a scare. I expected to see her ugly face last Friday, but she still hasn't shown. *gulp*

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Why didn't I give him my number??

Remember when you used to be 12 years old and you'd ride your bike downtown to go shopping and count the number of pervert guys that honked their horns at you?

Maybe not. But I do. And I loved it.

It made 12-year-old-freckled-and-skinny Taylor feel pretty. It made her feel wanted.

Today a sex god hit on me while I was buying a birthday present for DB. He flirted and teased and patiently listened to my pathetic attempts at flirting back. Then he sold me a camera. I pretty much waltzed out of the store, drunk on lust.

I'm hitting up the same store tomorrow and the next day and the next day...

You think I'm kidding.

By the way...
--My step dad officially apologized to my sister and I for the fiasco on Friday. My mom and him are getting professional help.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Please excuse my drunken blogging

My weekend in a blog post!

Friday was fantastic and horrible. My dear sister and I had a fabulous martini party at my step dad's house. Strange, I know, but he's cool. Kind of cool anyways. Halfway through the night and after we finished off the first bottle of vodka, he began yelling shit about my mom and so we left. Spend the night at Filmguy's house.

The next day I found out I did something very very bad. I texted CN. First I texted him his name and a rhyming word, you know? Like Anna Banana except for it was more CN-BNish. I don't know. He called and I ignored him. He's way christian and perfect and I didn't want him to know I was tipsy. The next day I realized I texted him twice more...

Tay: im so so sry i texted to i didnt mean to im stupid
*no reply*
Tay [one hour later]: im really really sry i texted u i didnt mean to i love you CN.

I love you CN? Really? I LOVE YOU CN?!?!? I can't believe I fucking proclaimed my love for CN over a text. message. He called the next day while I was at work but I ignored it once again. I am so embarrassed. I wonder if he knows that drunken words (or in my case, texts) are sober thoughts.

Saturday... I had to work Job #2 with a crazyass hangover. Luckily I worked with my favorite hot coworkers, including the Gamer, Smileyguy, That hot guy I work with, and my hot manager.
Later on that night I hung out with my girls, Crazygirl and Marinegirl. One week until my dear bff leaves me.

Sunday I worked both jobs and then had sex all night with DB. Fabulous sex. Be jealous. Be very very jealous, women.

A real post will be coming soon. Tomorrow maybe. I'm busy, alrighty?

Friday, June 12, 2009

Third time's the charm

Remember the time when DB's wallet got stolen?

We've been trying to get a new licence for a while. I had no idea it was so damn difficult! I've been trying to help DB out with this (because I'm pretty much the most awesome loving girl in the world!) by driving him to and from the Secretary of State (which I'm going to shorten to SOS, because I say it a lot in this post). I don't want him driving licenceless! Anyways. We first started our search for the ever-so-elusive new licence on Wednesday. We planned to meet at his house at 9.

That day.
7:00 my alarm goes off.
7:08 my alarm goes off.
7:16 my alarm goes off.

See a pattern here?

8:00 my alarm goes off. And stays off. Lucky me, if I don't stop hitting snooze within an hour, the alarm clock assumes it's impossible to wake this bum up and gives up. Shiiiit.

11flippin30 the bright near-afternoon sunshine wakes me up.

Tay: *yells out a stream of cuss words waaaay too vulgar for this blog*

DB had texted me plenty of times, wondering where the hell I was, but I had my phone on silent. Smart.

I race over to his house, hair mussed and unshowered (ew), and we race off to the SOS. 3 hours later than we'd planned to. Awesome.

Guess what obstacle we run into next? I'm driving on the highway, upset at myself for being so damn lazy, and we realize that the exit I need is closed for construction. Really? Did it have to be today?

Lucky me, DB knew another way to get there. Or not. His awesome direction skills led me way out in the middle of nowhere and then back - literally exactly where we had started. Thanks, baby.

DB and I are real annoyed and hungry now, so we decide to put off SOS until the next day and go out for some delicious breakfast instead.

Next day.
DB is prepared with his birth certificate and social-security card. I'm prepared with a new route, highway-free and hopefully free of construction.

We arrive at the SOS quickly enough and all seems perfect. The parking lot wasn't even full! This never happens! Life seemed good.

Until we got inside.

SOS girl: We actually need more identification than this. Bring in some W2 forms, a diploma, maybe some mail of yours? Anything like that will work.

W. T. F. Seriously!?!?

The funny thing is, DB had googled the SOS online to make sure he had everything he needed. And that liar website told us that he only needed his SS number and the birth certificate.

We were fuming. And hungry again.

Cue some more delicious breakfast.

Third time's the charm, right? And it was, thank you very much. I don't know what I would have done if I had to drive back home and then back out there again. Probably just go out for breakfast.

Happy weekend :)

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Overreaction? I think not.

I let spiders live in my room.

Except on my bed. If the fuckers even try to crawl all creepy-like onto my beautiful comfy bed, I will SMOOSH their arachnid asses!
But if they're chilling under my desk, eating the gross ants and mosquitoes and earwigs that sometimes venture into my room, I'll let them live and sometimes even name them. One reason my blog is anonymous.

I named the last one I found creeper, because GOD, he was creepy. But naming him made him a little less creepy and even a little cute (shuttup), and I was able to cope with the scary guy living near my trash can.

Spiders love Job #1, by the way. Like love-love it. They've swarmed the building, I've seen customers run from them, and the employees are encouraged to sweep them off the side of the building in our free time.

The spiders aren't usually too bad this time of year. I've seen one in the trash can and a few crawling around in the corners, but nothing too creeptastic.

Until tonight.

We'd just closed down the shop and I was driving a co-worker across the street so she wouldn't have to brave the rapist-infested streets on her own. Just kidding, I don't work in a rapist-infested neighborhood. We're just paranoid.

I pull into the empty (not counting my co-worker's car) and dark parking lot. I park. I look out my driver's side half-rolled-down window. And I come face-to-face with...

...THE HUGEST EFFING SPIDER I'VE EVER SEEN!!! And ohmigod, it's crawling up towards the open window INTO MY CAR!!!

I scream like I've never screamed before and then panic. I frantically roll up the window as fast as I flippin can! The spider is seriously racing me, running as fast as it can up the window so it can get into my car and kill me. It's a close call, but I luckily close the window literally just before the killer gets in.

Everybody else in the car had flipped the fuck out. They had no idea what I was screaming about and had assumed the worst.

But, seriously, what's worse than having a huge spider bite your face and suck out all of your blood? That's right, it almost happened to me.

Loving RENT too much? Impossible.

Something you should know about me: I love RENT more than anything else in the entire world. Don't tell DB.

On another note, Marinegirl (my best friend) is leaving me to join the Marines in two weeks. I'm pretty much devastated, so expect a very tearful, depressing blog post in about two weeks.

Marinegirl loves tattoos and to celebrate her leaving, one of our friends (I'll name her the Cheffess... kind of like The Bloggess or a Goddess except she's a Chef. You know.) and I want to get tattoos with Marinegirl.

Dilemma!! Where/what/why. DB told me that, if i get a tattoo, it should have some sort of meaning behind it. Ummmmm...?

In my very-favorite-movie-of-all-time, RENT!, Maureen has a tattoo:

Look at 1:14, because I can't find a picture online. Or, since you can't see it very well, you should just buy this wonderful movie and watch it on your huge TV at home. Or I could just tell you that she has a few stars on her ass. Classy, I know.

Maybe you can guess what I'm getting at. Should I get the exact same effing tattoo on my bum?!?

Need some input. If I don't decide soon, I'm going to end up with the same cliche butterfly on my ankle that every other girl-who-randomly-decided-to-get-a-tattoo has. No offense if you have this tattoo. Really.

By the way...
--I've got the
bitch dog situation under control. I'm only entering/leaving DB's house through his basement door! The bitch dog never comes down there! Win.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

As you can probably tell, I'm still pretty mad

New decision: I hate people.

Why, you ask?

Today DB got his wallet stolen by an ugly stupid whore bitch.

It was noonish and we were driving to get gas. Keep in mind what you should know about DB: he works third shift, and so being up at noon means that he only slept about three hours. He wasn't too focused today.

Anyways, we're getting gas. We pull up, pay, pump gas, blah, blah, blah. And we drive away.

I'm looking out the window like I usually do and something in the rear view mirror catches my eye. It almost looked like something small and black had flown off of the top of DB's car. Dun dun dunnn.

Tay: Hon? Do you have your wallet?
DB: Yeah, why?
Tay: Never mind. I thought I saw something fall of the top of your car.
DB: *feels around in his pocket* SHIT! MY WALLET!

So he FLIES the car around in the most suicidal U-turn I've ever experienced and drives back down the street. It can't be more than 20 seconds after the damn thing flew off the car.

DB: Oh. My. God. I'm pretty sure somebody's picking it up right now. In that white car.

And sure enough, I could see a stupidass ugly whore trash bitch pick something up off the ground and jump back into her pieceofshit car.

*DB and Tay pull up next to the car*
DB: *rolls down the window while waving frantically* Hey. Have you seen a wallet around here?
Stupidass ugly whore trash bitch: No.
DB: Oh. Kay...
*Stupidass ugly whore trash bitch quickly drives off*

We park. We search around. We find a few dollars, a bookstore gift card, and pictures of DB's cousin in the exact place that the Stupidass ugly whore trash bitch's car had been. Exactly where we had seen her get out and pick something up.

The bitch had lied straight to our faces.

DB was angry, but he's good at hiding it. I've never sworn so much in my life.

I'd like to think people are generally good. I really would. I try not to stereotype, I try not to judge, I try to get to know people, and I try to BELIEVE PEOPLE WHEN THEY TELL ME THEY HAVEN'T SEEN A WALLET AROUND. So would DB. Hence us driving away and letting her go without getting her licence plate or anything. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Luckily, DB had been lazy and stuck his credit card into his pant pocket instead of back into the wallet. And he barely had any money because he only uses the credit card now.

I hope her bad karma gives her herpes.

By the way...
--I saw CN getting his mail today and he waved at me. I melted.
--This hot guy I work with (Job #2) complained about his new girlfriend to me. He used to complain about his old girlfriend too. He totally wants me.

The only person in the whole world I don't hate is Maxie, because of this fabulousness:

Saturday, June 6, 2009

High Hopes and Squirrels

I'm playing Pink Floyd off my laptop right now. I'm sitting next to my window in my room.
And a fucking squirrel just came up to me. Well, to the window which is right next to me.
Like, right-right next to it.
My room is in the basement, so the bottom of the window is level with the ground.

Pink Floyd attracts rodent-y wildlife!
I am not making this up.

A real post will be coming soon. But not today. I'm hitting up some grad parties and a festival with DB. I may see my Christian Neighbor (CN), so I'm looking reeeal sexy.

Throw it up! And pick it up at the next window

I so love my job (#1).

Something you should know about me: I work two jobs. Job #1 is fabulous and easy and fun. Job #2 is not-so-fabulous and shitty and I actually hate the bitch. To help you remember which is which, I made up this handy poem:

1 is fun.
2 is poo.


I worked at job #1 today. Awesomeness galore. There's a lotta things to love about job #1:

I can eat a shitload of free food when I'm working alone. Healthy, I know.

We have 'regular customers' whom I love. I feel like we're old pals. Just because I know what they're going to order. Yeah. Especially the little boy who comes every week and orders the exact same thing and specifies, every time, what color he wants it. Especially because he came today and proudly told me that "today was his last day of kindegarten!" Awwwww!!! He's a cutie. Pedofileish? I think not.

My co-workers are more than my co-workers. They're my girls and I love them! Besides the new girl, we've all worked there for years and we've bonded-over-work, you know?

I'm awesome at working here. And, no, I am not full of myself. I just happen to be the shit at my job. I've been working there for four years, so you'd better believe I know whatthefuck I'm doing! And that makes me feel cool.

I love the tips. I'm good at making them. I'll blog about that another time.

I love how easy this job is. When business is slow, I sit back and read. Today I finished an entire book and got paid for it, bitches! Plus, if I'm working by myself I can plug my ipod into the radio and dance all crazy-like. I know you know what I mean. You do it too when nobody's looking.

So I was doing that today. And I was blasting that shit.

And, BAM!, it got busy. So I dance up to the order-window real quick and start taking orders. And the music is still really loud. Like, the customers could definitely hear it. And this song comes on:

And I'm like, shiiiiit!! Because I didn't know what to do. The line was pretty fricking long and so I decided to ignore the music and hurry through the orders so that they'd all leave me to my peace and dancing.

Tay: Hi!
Lil Jon: YEEEeeeeeeeeeah!!
Tay: What can I get for you today?
Customer: I'll have a -
Tay: I'm sorry, what was that?
Customer: *disgusted* I. Said. I'll. Have. A. Small-
Tay: I'm sorry, what was- Nevermind. One second.

And I turned it off. After a few orders and a few offended customers.

The bosses' husband showed up minutes after I turned it off. Hollaa!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Why is my name Taylor, again?

So I know you're all dying to know why I named this blog My Name is Taylor because I'm psychic. Well, you're probably not wondering that, but I'm going to tell you about it anyways. Feel free to stop reading now, I promise it won't hurt my feelings.

I was trying to copy my idol, Earl. From My Name is Earl.

Earl: You know the kind of guy who does nothing but bad things and then wonders why his life sucks? Well, that was me. Every time something good happened to me, something bad was waiting right around the corner. Karma. That's when I realized that I had to change, so I made a list of everything bad I've ever done and one by one, I'm gonna make up for all my mistakes. I'm just trying to be a better person. My name is Earl.

Except mine would be more like:

You know the kind of girl who's secretly crazy-weird but pretends she's halfway normal so that people don't avoid her and look at her like she's crazy on the streets? Well, that was me. Every time I decided to let 'the real Taylor' inside of me loose, people would stare and try to stifle laughs and make up obviously FAKE excuses to leave. Bitches. That's when I realized I had to change, so I made a blog and one by one, I'm going to discuss every single thing that happens to my lame ass. I'm just trying to entertain myself. My name is Taylor.

Yep. Another boring post from a very bored girl.

In other news, I went bike-trailing (12 miles!!) and golfing (78 on a 9 hole...) with DB today. Oodles of noodles of fun indeed.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

And that's what I get for staying up late

The plan: Wake up early. Shower, eat, do makeup. Fix my hair so it looks real messy and sex-kitteny. Get dressed in something very similar to this little number:...

...and then wait for DB at the door. Surprise him with perfect and beautiful and delicious sexy sex.

What really happened: I stayed up real late the night before being my normal lame self. I was stressing over DB's request to have us try role-playing and so I was googling role-playing scripts to help my lame ass prepare. For anyone in a similar situation, this site won't help. The femdom (female domination) section didn't help me at ALL!! They encouraged lots of spitting in mouths. Gag me please. Disgusting.

Reading about sex made me kind of horny, not gonna lie. I decided to google some more femdom stuff. I wanted my plan to go perfectly, after all, and I knew DB would really enjoy me being more dominant. The first (and forever last) website I went to was TERRIBLE!!! Yep, I'm not linking to it. There's no way in HELL I'm subjecting you guys to that. I have never seen so many pictures of tortured man junk in my life. I was going to post some pictures of the shit the poor guys had attached to them, but do I want that on my blog? Nosirree.

Let's just say I was completely disgusted and turned-off of femdom.

But I was still horny.

So I decided to do something I've never done before. Check out porn. I locked my door, threw on some headphones, and googled the all-intriguing word: pornography!. I won't go into details about what I found. Let's just say it wasn't what I was looking for. But, hell, I realized something very important about myself: I hate seeing vag that isn't mine.

At that point it was a few hours past my planned bedtime, but now I didn't feel like going to bed AT ALL. After watching that shit? I'd probably dream of nasty girl vag and wake up screaming. "EeeeeWww!!" Real mature, Taylor. Reeeeal mature,I know.

Anyways. I turned to my ol' stand-by. Blogging!! I discovered this blog and this blog and this blog and laughed a lot. After a few hours of this I got real tired. I needed sleep badly. I figured I didn't have to turn on my alarm; I'd have no trouble waking up early for some *Taylor sings* delicious seeex!!

Fast forward to this morning where I rolled over from a great sleep to discover that it's already 1230 PM!!! I freaked out. I ran upstairs in my comfy pjs to see if he had arrived. Lucky me, DB was just parking and walking up to my door. Shiiit.

I answered the door looking quite like the tired, just-woken-up girl that I was.

Taylor: hey. I accidentally just woke up.

DB: *sighs and laughs sadly*

(he knew about my plan to wear sexy lingerie)

It must suck hardcore to be him.

Plus, the sex was not good. For me. Stupid girls from a stupid porn kept popping into my head and turning me off at the worst moments!! Thanks, porn. Damn you.

Monday, June 1, 2009

God, I'm Blessed

Today's wonderfulness completely made up for the lameness of yesterday!

I woke up to DB kissing my forehead, which was a complete surprise. I didn't think he was coming over until hours later. We snuggled in bed for a couple of minutes before heading out to get some McDonalds breakfast, yumm. Nothing like a thousand-calorie breakfast to wake you up!

After filling up on our fatty delicious breakfasts, we headed back to my place for some special alone time ;) The sex was great. Plus, we haven't had sex for WEEKS!!! So that made it all the more special and pleasing.

I decided to take a shower after a couple hours of this. When I got back, DB was fast asleep on my bed.

Something you should know about DB: he works third shift, which means 10:30 pm - 7:20 am. Ugh. He had arrived at my house around 8. He hadn't slept at all.

I snuck in, topless with boxer shorts on, trying to be quiet. He immediately sat up when he heard me re-close the door and stared at me for a couple of seconds.

DB: "God, I'm blessed."
Taylor: *melts*

He fell back asleep and later didn't remember that he said it. But he did! Godi'mblessed. Godi'mblessed. Godi'mblessed. I'm in love with a guy who thinks he's blessed to be with me.

No, DB. I'm blessed.