Thursday, August 27, 2009

Sometimes I Truly Hate Myself

I'm pretty sure DB and I are breaking up.

I don't know how I feel about it.

I'm heartbroken. But I'm unhappy here with him.

He's perfect. But he's too goddamn perfect for me.

I keep having to ask myself whether or not I love him.

If I truly loved him, that wouldn't happen ... right?

I want to be his best friend.

But not his girlfriend?

I'm too stressed and scared and shaking to write a real post.

I'm sorry.

12 comments:

Maggie May said...

Damn I remember those feelings. One thing that helped me was to acknowledge that I did not have to find out THE ANSWER right away. If xyz and I were meant to be together, some space or time apart would not finish us. Taking time away can redifine love, or it's absence. I'm sorry.

The Peach Tart said...

Maggie May gave you some great advice. Time and space will steer you to the next right step.

Scarlet Begonias said...

Things will work themselves out. Either you'll realize how much you miss being more than just his friend or you'll realize that this was the right move. It's better to find out one way or another than have your doubts.

Vie said...

That's really rough. But just because someone is perfect doesn't mean that they're perfect for you. You can't make yourself love him; if you're putting walls up that shouldn't be there, that's one thing, but if you just don't, and you've tried, well...you can't make yourself.

Sometimes it takes a lot of bravery to admit that you're unhappy. Good luck with all of this! It's never easy.

B said...

From a guy's perspective, be easy on him and be straight with him about why you're ending it. I had a girl do this to me seven months ago without either of those things and it devestated me. She was thinking the same things you've written, but she didn't explain any of it to me. I appreciate the beauty of the things that have happened because of the break up, but not doing those two things leaves a terribly large wound for the other person to deal with.

BigSis said...

I know you'll make the right decision. Big hugs!

Lucy said...

Ah, I feel bad for you. I think you know what you need to do for you and you are not really ready to totally let go. We all have been there and I am hoping for the best for ya!.

Taylor said...

Maggie May: Exactly what I was thinking. Thanks for your support :)

The Peach Tart: I hope so...

Scarlet Begonias: Exactly! I hope I'm making the right choice.

Vie: Thanks for the support, I'm trying to be brave.

B: I know and the last thing I want to do is hurt him. I let him know everything I typed above and more, he knows where I'm coming from and he understands. He's unhappy about it, but he understands.

BigSis: Thanks so much :) *hug*

Lucy: You're exactly right. I'm just hoping we can remain friends after all of this...

Wonderful said...

*hugs* keep me posted....

LiLu said...

I HATE that feeling... but yes, you're right, if you're asking that question...

Jenn said...

I don't agree with the "if I loved him, I wouldn't have to question it" rule. Sometimes we do have to question it. We're human. We're constantly in our own heads analyzing everything.

If you feel unhappy, well that's a different story. Do what you believe is best for you. If you know deep down that being his girlfriend doesn't feel right for you, then there's not a lot you can do to fix that. Trust your instincts and know that it's okay to not have all of the answers right now.

Elizabeth Marie said...

A day late and a buck short...

I dont know where exactly your heart and mind is today, but I hope you have some kind of peace with the situation. It sucks, I know.

Let me know if you ever need to talk! XO