Thursday, August 20, 2009

TMI Thursday: I'm Still A Lady

TMI Thursday
It's TMI Thursday, bitches!! Hosted by the lovely LiLu, as always.

As many of you know, DB and I have been dating for quite a while. I'm extremely comfortable around him and he's just as relaxed around me. However, there is one thing I refuse to do in front of him.

Fart.

I don't fart in front of anybody, not even my family. Especially not in front of DB. I think it's disgusting. Which is actually quite annoying, because I'm a gassy person. Nice, huh? DB calls me out on it all the time.

Tay: My tummy hurts.
DB: Do you have to fart?
Tay: What? No! I'm a lady and ladies don't fart.
DB: Bullshit.

So. Now that you know that particularly interesting tidbit about me...

A few weeks ago DB and I were lying in bed, snuggling, after eating a big meal. Everything was perfect and snuggly until my stomach started acting up. I could feel the fart forming in the pit of my abdomen and panicked. I clenched my butt cheeks as hard as I possibly could! There was no way in HELL I was farting on DB while we were spooning.

It took a lot of fucking effort to keep that fart in, and apparently it began to show.

DB: Woah, baby, your pulse is getting faster.
Tay: Oh *clenching with enormous force* Haha

DB didn't know what was going on and assumed my heartbeat was faster because I wanted to get sexy with him. And so he began touching and kissing and... well, you know.

I freaked the fuck out. There was no way I was having SEX while holding in an enormous FART!

But I did. It wasn't enjoyable, but I got through it. And I held it in, somehow. I politely excused myself after we were finished and let it out loudly in the bathroom. Win!!

I'm still a lady.

20 comments:

kasabiangirl said...

OMG...That must have been a horrible thing to experience...can't imagine what you must have gone through. Now this is called Wrong timing :)

Elizabeth Marie said...

OMG I could like...feel your pain.

You are absolutely still a lady. QUITE a lady!

The Demigoddess said...

Nyahahaha. You are my heroine. I would have let out an enormous burp. Yuck.

Lucy said...

OMG!! How awful and here is some good news for you, over time things will change, take my word, after 22 years of marriage, well, just take my word (lol)

jen - tsk said...

I'm so sorry, I had to giggle! It was a little bit funny!! I totally get you though, I would've been exactly the same (at one point!!). It's not funny / acceptable for me to fart, but it's definitely unacceptable for KPC to do it! x

BigSis said...

I have heard that a true lady would explode before she farted. You win!

Scarlet Begonias said...

hahaha I know exactly how you feel! I've been dating my bf for THREE years and I just can't get myself to "let go" so to speak. It doesn't help that his room shares a wall with the bathroom either...

LiLu said...

Wait...

You can hold them in?

;-)

Hit 40 said...

TMI thursday!! Excellent!!

My hubby farted in my face one time....

I do not go down there very often anymore! He could have at least warned me.

... I think I should win the TMI award for the day.

Nic said...

I feel your pain! I refuse to fart in front of people too!

JennyMac said...

OMG..you are a maniac. LOL!!!!!


and the word verification..i kid you not..is urtin. As in urtin for certain?

jamie said...

hahahaha too funny!

Wicked Courtni said...

where in the crap did my comment go?

Alyxherself said...

ahahhahaa lilu.

this is why i am a vegan now. just tired of the pain. its totally worth it.

Stephanie said...

that toally happens to me. but I have a little plan in action for when the farts come on. I wait to see if they go away, and if not I stretch, clenching the cheeks as tight as possible, then say I am going to go take a bath, walk up the stairs all stiff, kinda hold my back so it looks like it hurts a bit. Then I get in the bathroom, turn on the water and fart to my little hearts content. I'm sure the husband knows what's going on (since I can hear him farting when he is upstairs in the bathroom), but in mind mind I am quiet and reserved. I will totally try to burp the alphabet in front of him, though.

Priscilla said...

Oh girl! For heaven's sake. If you hold them in to long you'll explode!!

Let it go! Let them fly!

Jill Pilgrim said...

Dude, I am so like this. I refuse to admit all manner of gross things because I am a lady.

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

You are a lady. Love it.

Jenni Jiggety said...

Grin and bear it, or fart and share it...

Mellisa said...

That was so freakin funny! Truly the best tmi I have read!