Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Overreaction? I think not.

I let spiders live in my room.

Except on my bed. If the fuckers even try to crawl all creepy-like onto my beautiful comfy bed, I will SMOOSH their arachnid asses!
But if they're chilling under my desk, eating the gross ants and mosquitoes and earwigs that sometimes venture into my room, I'll let them live and sometimes even name them. One reason my blog is anonymous.

I named the last one I found creeper, because GOD, he was creepy. But naming him made him a little less creepy and even a little cute (shuttup), and I was able to cope with the scary guy living near my trash can.

Spiders love Job #1, by the way. Like love-love it. They've swarmed the building, I've seen customers run from them, and the employees are encouraged to sweep them off the side of the building in our free time.

The spiders aren't usually too bad this time of year. I've seen one in the trash can and a few crawling around in the corners, but nothing too creeptastic.

Until tonight.

We'd just closed down the shop and I was driving a co-worker across the street so she wouldn't have to brave the rapist-infested streets on her own. Just kidding, I don't work in a rapist-infested neighborhood. We're just paranoid.

I pull into the empty (not counting my co-worker's car) and dark parking lot. I park. I look out my driver's side half-rolled-down window. And I come face-to-face with...

...THE HUGEST EFFING SPIDER I'VE EVER SEEN!!! And ohmigod, it's crawling up towards the open window INTO MY CAR!!!

I scream like I've never screamed before and then panic. I frantically roll up the window as fast as I flippin can! The spider is seriously racing me, running as fast as it can up the window so it can get into my car and kill me. It's a close call, but I luckily close the window literally just before the killer gets in.

Everybody else in the car had flipped the fuck out. They had no idea what I was screaming about and had assumed the worst.

But, seriously, what's worse than having a huge spider bite your face and suck out all of your blood? That's right, it almost happened to me.

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